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Page 6
The news that Britain has annexed the United States will comfort those who
thought it was the other way about.
* * * * *
"The incessant singing of a cricket in a London church compelled the
preacher to shorten his sermon."--_The Children's Newspaper._
We may now expect increased enthusiasm for the "Sunday Cricket" movement.
* * * * *
A VERMIN OFFENSIVE.
There was a faint scuffling sound behind the wainscot.
"There it is again," said Araminta.
"Not a doubt of it," I replied, turning pale.
Thrusting on my hat I rushed up the hill to the Town Hall and asked to see
the Clerk of the Borough Council immediately.
"I have reason to suspect," I said in a hoarse low whisper, as soon as I
was shown into the man's presence, "that our premises are in imminent
danger of being infested. Counsel me as to what I should do."
"It is your duty as a good citizen to take such steps as may from time to
time be necessary and reasonably practicable to destroy the vermin," he
said in a rather weary and mechanical tone.
"I hope I am not one to take my civic duties lightly," I replied with some
_hauteur_, "but observe that I merely said I had reason to suspect the
imminence of the peril. I should like to know the legal definition of
infestment, if you please. I cannot definitely say that house-breaking has
taken place as yet. I do not know that there has even been petty larceny.
There may have been merely loitering with felonious intent."
"What is the size of your premises?" he inquired.
"It is more a messuage than a premises," I explained. "About twelve feet by
ten, I should say--speaking without the lease."
"And how many vermin do you expect it to be about to harbour?"
"None have actually hove in sight at present," I said reassuringly, "but
there is a sound of one in the offing--in the wainscoting, I mean."
"In a residence of your size I should say that a single mouse would
constitute infestation within the meaning of the Act, so soon as it forces
an ingress. It will then be your bounden duty to demolish it. How about
purchasing a trap?"
"You are sure that is better than hiding behind the arras and hitting it
over the head with a pole-axe?" I inquired anxiously, "or proffering it a
bowl of poisoned wine?"
"Poison is no longer supplied free," he answered coldly, and I went out.
Very luckily, as I hastened up the hill, I had observed a building with the
words, "Job Masters. Traps for Hire," written upon a wooden board. I went
inside and found an elderly man sitting at a desk in a small office. He
looked extremely patient. "Are you Job?" I asked breathlessly. "I have come
to buy a mouse-trap."
Appearances, of course, are quite often deceptive. They were in this case.
The elderly man was very much annoyed. When he had explained matters
forcibly to me I went on down the hill and entered an ironmonger's.
"I wish to buy a trap to catch a mouse," I said to the assistant behind the
counter.
"Certainly, Sir. What size?" said the lad politely.
"Small to medium," I replied, rather baffled. "It has only a medium-sized
scratch."
He showed me a peculiar apparatus made of wire and wood containing
apparently a vestibule, two reception rooms, staircase and first-floor
lobby, with an open window and a diving-board. Underneath the window was a
small swimming tank.
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