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Page 5
_Sir Potiphar Shucks, the famous astronomer_: "The possibility that Saturn
is inhabited is one that, in the absence of incontrovertible evidence
either way, should not lightly be set aside. Assuming that it is inhabited,
that its people are skilled in the use of wireless telephony and that it is
possible to set up waves of sufficient intensity to travel all the way from
Saturn to us, I see no reason why communications of the nature suggested by
Mr. Dottle should not at some future date become an accomplished fact."
_Mr. Artesian Pitts, the well-known imaginative historian_: "I have long
held the belief that Saturn is inhabited by a type of being possessing a
cylinder-like body composed of an unresisting pulp, a high dome-shaped head
filled with gas, and long tentacles, bristling with electricity, through
which all sensations are emitted and received. These tentacles would act as
an ideal telephonic apparatus, so that there is every likelihood of Mr.
Dottle's having actually received a message from Saturn. I take 'Gurroo' to
be Saturnian for 'Hello.'"
_Signor Tromboni, the pioneer of wireless telephony_: "We are making
arrangements to test Mr. Dottle's interesting theory, and for this purpose
are erecting a special installation on the top of Mt. Kilimanjaro, which is
several thousand feet higher than Lavender Hill. At our own stations we
have frequently noticed mysterious ringings, which we have hitherto
ascribed to carelessness on the part of operators; but Mr. Dottle's letter
opens up a new world of possibilities. _The Daily Mandate_ is to be
congratulated on the prominence it has given to the subject, which has
already had the effect of sending Tromboni shares up several points."
_Mr. G. Shawburn_: "It is an insult to Creation to assume that ours is the
only populated planet. Of course Saturn is inhabited, but, unlike our own
world, by people of intelligence. In the matter of mental advancement
Saturn can make rings round the earth. All the same I don't for one moment
suppose that Mr. Dottle knows what he's talking about."
_The POSTMASTER-GENERAL_: "Nothing is known in the Department under my
control of telephone calls having been received from Saturn or the
neighbourhood. I do not propose for the present to take any steps in the
matter."
_The LORD MAYOR_: "Saturn is a long way off."
III.
(_Extract from leading article._)
"... Again we ask, 'What is the Government doing?' For several days now our
columns have been ringing with the world-wide acclamation of this
stupendous discovery, beside the potentialities of which the wildest
efforts of imaginative literature are reduced to pallid and uninspired
commonplaces. Even so cautious a scientist as Sir Potiphar Shucks has
declared that the idea of Saturn being inhabited is one that 'should not
lightly be set aside,' and has announced his conviction that under
favourable conditions communication with that planet should in the near
future become 'an accomplished fact.' Other eminent leaders of thought and
action, including Signor Tromboni, are even more enthusiastic in their
reception of the great theory first given to the world by Mr. Diogenes
Dottle in a letter to _The Daily Mandate_. But the POSTMASTER-GENERAL is
content to treat the question with the airy scepticism and obstructive
complacency that have rendered the London Telephone service a byword of
inefficiency, and refuses even to make a grant in aid of the work of
investigation.
"In these circumstances the proprietors of _The Daily Mandate_ have much
pleasure in announcing that they will pay the sum of ten thousand pounds to
the first man, woman or child in the British Empire who can produce
evidence of having received an intelligible telephonic message from Saturn,
and a further sum of one hundred thousand pounds to the first person to
send a message to that planet and receive a clear reply. The services of a
Board of distinguished experts are being engaged for the purpose of testing
and adjudicating all claims.
"_Meanwhile the POSTMASTER-GENERAL must go._"
* * * * *
[Illustration: _Indignant Egoist._ "BE CAREFUL UP THERE WHAT YOU'RE
DROPPING. THAT PRECIOUS NEARLY HIT ME!"]
* * * * *
"It may safely be said that there are more millionaires to the square
yard in Bradford than in any other city in the country, not even
excepting London or New York."--_Daily Paper._
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