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Page 4
Then she turned the paper over.
"Oh, you are stupid!" she said. "You've been looking at the 'Shops and
Businesses for Sale' column."
"So've you," I snapped.
And then I regret to say we had our first quarrel.
I told Phyllis firmly that she is not at all tkg., nor would she stand any
test; that no one could engage her, much less marry her, without taking
risks; that she hadn't had s. hands for yrs., that _she_ wouldn't go
without her bacon for anyone, and that I should be jolly thankful if she
would take every blessed s.a.v.
I admit that Phyllis was more dignified. She merely sailed out of the room,
remarking that I made her trd.
* * * * *
"OUR INVINCIBLE NAVY."
In continuation of a paragraph in his last issue, Mr. Punch expresses his
regret if the article which appeared under the above title in these pages
on January 14th has unwittingly given offence to any one of his readers
through others having connected him with the character of _Reginald
McTaggart_.
* * * * *
[Illustration: THE CONSCIENTIOUS BURGLAR.
PAISLEY HUMANITARIAN. "IF I COULD ONLY BE QUITE SURE THAT I SHOULDN'T BE
DISCOURAGING HIM FROM SAVING."
[Mr. ASQUITH has pronounced himself cautiously in favour of a Capital Levy,
on the condition, amongst others, that it must not be allowed to discourage
the habit of saving.]]
* * * * *
[Illustration: JULIUS C�SAR ON THE LINKS.
_Actor_ (_whose knowledge of SHAKSPEARE is greater than his golf_). "'O,
PARDON ME, THOU BLEEDING PIECE OF EARTH.'"]
* * * * *
RINGS FROM SATURN.
(_Extracted from various issues of "The Daily Mandate."_)
I.
_To the Editor of "The Daily Mandate."_
SIR,--For a number of years I have been experimenting in wireless telephony
with my installation on the heights of Lavender Hill. On several occasions
recently I have been puzzled by mysterious ringings of the bell attached to
the instrument, which have obviously been set up by long-distance waves. On
taking up the receiver, however, I have been unable to make out any
coherent message, but only a succession of irregular squeaks, although once
I distinctly, heard a word which I can only transcribe as "Gurroo." I have
no doubt in my own mind that one of the more advanced planets is trying to
get in touch with us by means of wireless telephony, and that once we have
deciphered the code we shall be able to converse freely with its
inhabitants. I myself incline to the belief that these rings emanate from
Saturn, which, in spite of its great distance from the earth, is just as
likely to wish to communicate with us as any other planet.
Yours faithfully,
DIOGENES DOTTLE, F.R.S.
II.
Mr. Dottle's remarkable letter, published in our issue of yesterday,
suggesting that inhabitants of Saturn have been endeavouring to communicate
with the earth by means of wireless telephony, has created profound
excitement in scientific and other circles. To a representative of _The
Daily Mandate_ a number of well-known men expressed their views on the
matter, which will undoubtedly stimulate further investigation into the
momentous possibilities of this epoch-making revelation. The opinions
advanced, which are, on the whole, highly favourable to Mr. Dottle's
theory, are as follows:--
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