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Page 20
He put several into my Hands; one mentioned his being the first who
broke Ranks, and put the right Wing of the Enemy in Disorder, which was
followed by a signal Victory over the _Magpyes_ and _Owls_: Then another
mentioned his taking the Royal Banner, in the Battle of _Bellfugaro_: A
third certify'd his surprizing a great Convoy of Provisions, carrying to
the Enemy's Camp, the Loss of which, made them break up the Siege of
_Barbaquero_. In short, he had about Twenty, signed by the General and
chief Officers, which spoke him a Fool of singular Gallantry. When I had
return'd them, I ask'd, in what he thought I could serve him?
"I beg, _said he_, you wou'd recommend me to the Minister to be
provided for as a superannuated Officer; your Honour cannot do an
Act of greater Charity."
"Sir, _said I_, is it possible you can be so great a Stranger to
the Court, as to imagine Merit carries any Weight with it. Your
Certificates prove you have done your Duty like a gallant Officer;
but then you have done no more than what was expected from you, and
what you were paid for."
"I acknowledge what your Honour says, _replied the Colonel_, but I
can name many, who have run away, or been taken violently ill at the
time of a Battle, and who are not only continued in Post, but even
advanced."
I answer'd, it was very true; but that such Fowls were otherwise
serviceable in the Government, had handsome Wives or Daughters, or could
procure such of their Acquaintance, or perhaps were elected into the
Grand Council of the Nation, and had a Vote to dispose of.
But, Sir, I will deal with you ingenuously, I can do you no Service
at all in this Affair; for the Minister has so many _Bable-Cypherians
(in _English_, Members of the Great Council)_ to oblige, and they
have so many _Valet de Chambres_, Butlers, and Footmen to provide
for in the Hospital, that it's more likely the Officers and Soldiers
now there will be turn'd out to make Place for them, than any other
will be admitted. If you have Interest to get a Number of these
_Bable-Cypherians_ to back your Petition, which you may get, if you
can bribe and cajole the Attendants of their _Squabbaws_, or their
own Valets, it's possible you may succeed in your Pretensions.
"I'll sooner, _said he_, starve, than be guilty of so great a
Condescension, or more properly, so mean an Action." This he said with
some Warmth, and I replied as coolly, it was in his own Option. "I find
then, _said the Colonel_, you won't serve me."
I have, _said I_, given you Reasons which prove this Way I cannot:
But if giving your Petition and Certificates to the Emperor will be
of use, I'll venture to do it for you.
"The Emperor, _replied he_, is a good Prince, but has little Interest
with the Minister; and to hope any thing, but thro' his Canal, is
altogether vain." Saying this, he took his Leave in a very courteous
manner. The Minister was inform'd, that I had entertain'd a long
Discourse with this Officer, and ask'd me the Subject of it. I told him
what he desired, but that I declined troubling his Excellency with such
Trifles.
"These Fowls, _said he_, who build on their own Merit, are extremely
impertinent. The Colonel now in Question is one of your Fowls who
might by his Principles have made a Fortune, had he lived Two or
Three Hundred Years ago; but they are now obsolete, and he starves
by tenaciously practising his musty Morals. Why, he'll have the
Impudence to be always speaking Truth; and tho' he has been thrust
out of the Palace for this Vice more than once, he is not to be
corrected. He will tell a Fowl of Quality without Ceremony, that
he's a Pimp, and was raised by the Hens of his Family: He'll make no
Bones of telling another, if his Prudence made him decline Danger,
that he's a Coward: A Third he'll impudently remind of his former
Livery, tho' his good Fortune has raised him to the Title of a
Grandee. Nay, he had the Face to tell me, upon my refusing to take
his Petition, That it was great Pity, when I was imprisoned for
Peculation, that the Justice of the Nation did not first purge, and
then hang me; that I was a publick Robber, and deserv'd the Gallows
more richly than a common Thief. His Poverty and Folly made me pity
and pardon him, if leaving him to be laugh'd at and starv'd, are to
be esteemed no Punishment. As I really pity'd the Fowl, I found
where he lodged, and supplied him with sufficient to keep him above
Want, tho' I would never trust him with the Knowledge of his
Benefactor, nor would ever after be seen to give him the least
Countenance."
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