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Page 6
_The Mild Man (with a Mild Man's thirst for information_). What are
those buildings over there with the chimney?
[_Here he is conscious of being furtively prodded in the
back--but decides to take no notice._
_Driver_ (_rising as before_). Those buildings, Ladies and Gentlemen,
are Chemical works for extracting iodine from seaweed. The seaweed,
after being dried, is then boiled, and from the ash--
[_Here the Mild Man, who has been listening with much
interest, is startled by receiving a folded piece of paper,
which it passed up to him from behind._
_The M.M._ (_to himself, as he reads the message_). "Keep the Driver
quiet. He is drunk." Good Gracious! I never noticed--and yet--dear me,
I hope they don't expect _me_ to interfere!
_The Timid Lady_ (_to the Driver_). For goodness sake never mind about
iodine now--sit down and attend to your driving, like a good man!
_Driver_. You will thoroughly understand, my horses require _no_
attention. (_Sleepily._) No attention whatever. I assure you I am
perfectly competent to drive this car and give you information
going along at the same time. (_The car takes another corner rather
abruptly._) Simply matter of habit. (_Gravely._) Matter'f habit!
_A Serious Exc._ (_in an undertone._) A very _bad_ habit, I'm afraid.
It's really time somebody else took the reins from him!
_The M.M._ (_overhearing_). I'm afraid they mean me--I wish now I'd
never touched the reins at all!
_Driver_. The Church we are now coming to, is St. Martin's, built in
the year eleven 'undred.
_A Female Exc._ (_critically_). It _has_ got an old-fashioned look
about it, certainly.
_A Male Exc._ There's nothing to see inside of these old churches. I
went in one the other day, and I was looking up at the rafters, and
I saw a sort o' picture there, and I said, "Ullo--they've been
advertising Pears' Soap here, or something." But when I looked again,
it was only an old fresco. I was so little interested I walked out
without tipping the Verger!
_The Female Exc._ That Church we went to on Sunday evening is very
old.
_Her Comp._ Is it? How do you know?
_The F.E._ Why, my dress was covered with bits of fluff out of the
hassock!
_Driver._ The carved stone figure you see by the gate, is supposed
to be a portrait of Julius C�sar's Grandmother, and very like the
old lady. (_The Excursionists nearest him smile in a sickly way, to
avoid hurting his feelings, as the car moves on--to halt once more at
Icart Point._) It is customary to alight here and go round the point,
and I can assure you, Ladies and Gentlemen, the scenery is well worth
your inspection and will give you a little idea of what the Island
_is_.
_Excursionists_ (_taking advantage of the opportunity to discuss the
situation_). I noticed it the minute I set eyes on him--he never
ought to have been sent out like this ... He's been to a wedding this
morning, so I heard, and it's upset him a little, that's all ... Upset
_him_--we're lucky if he doesn't upset _us_. What a fidget you are! I
shan't take _you_ into Switzerland next year, if you're like this...
If Switzerland's full of a lot of drunken men, I don't want to go...
Well, what had we better _do_ about it? Perhaps _this_ gentleman
would--Oh, no, I couldn't take the responsibility, really, not without
knowing the way. Well, we can't _walk_ back, that's certain--we must
trust to luck, that's all! Pretty bit of the coast you get here ...
Oh, don't talk about the scenery _now_, when, for all we know!--&c.,
&c.
[_The car starts again, and presently arrives at a winding
and precipitous road leading down to Petit Bot Bay, where the
Driver again rises with his back to the horses, and proceeds
to address the Excursionists, as they sit paralysed with
horror._
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