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Page 5
* * * * *
SONG TO BE SUNG IN HAYMARKET ORCHESTRA DURING OVERTURE.--"Oh, why
should we wait till to-morrow? See _Queen of Manoa_ to-night!"
* * * * *
ON A GUERNSEY EXCURSION CAR.
_The car, drawn by four horses, and crowded with Excursionists
on pleasure bent, is toiling up the steep streets of St. Peter
Port, when it comes to a sudden halt._
[Illustration: "Endeavours to assume a knowing and horsey
expression."]
_Excursionists_ (_impatiently_). Now then, what's this? What are we
stopping here for?
_The Driver_. Ladies and Gentlemen, you will thoroughly understand
that it is customary for the car to stop here, in order that the
party may be photographed, thus providing an agreeable souvenir of
the trip, and a useful means of identification at Scotland Yard. (_A
Photographer appears in the road with a camera, and the party prepare
themselves for perpetuation in a pleased flutter_.) P'raps, Sir--(_to
a Mild Man on the box-seat_)--you'd like to be taken 'andling the
ribbons? Most of our Gentlemen do.
[_The Mild Man accepts the reins, and endeavours to assume a
knowing and horsey expression._
_A Timid Lady_ (_behind_). I _do_ hope no Gentleman will take the
reins, unless he is thoroughly accustomed to driving four-in-hand.
Suppose they took it into their heads to run away suddenly!
_Driver_ (_solemnly_). Don't you alarm yourself about that, Ma'am, in
the very slightest degree. These 'osses take that pride in themselves,
they'd stop here all day rather than spoil their own likenesses!
[_The M.M. intimates that he is no novice in the art of
driving, which is fairly true as regards a pony-trap--and the
fears of the_ T.L. _are allayed._
_Photographer_. Now, steady all, please, those at the further ends of
the seats stand up so as to come into the picture, a little more to
the right, please, the gentleman in the straw 'at, turn your 'ead a
trifle more towards the camera, the lady in the pink shirt,--that's
better. Better take off your spectacles, Sir. Now then--are you ready?
_A Comic Exc._ 'Old on a bit--I've a fly on my nose.
[_Some of the party giggle; the photograph is successfully
taken, and the car proceeds._
_The Driver_. On your left, Ladies and Gentlemen, you have the
Prison--the cheapest Hotel in the Island for parties who intend making
a protracted stay here. On our right we are now passing "Paradise."
You will observe that someone has 'ung his 'at and coat up at
the entrance, not being certain of getting in. Notice the tree in
front--the finest specimen on the island of the good old Guernsey
hoak.
[_He keeps turning from time to time to address these
instructive remarks to the passengers behind him._
_The Timid Lady._ I wish he wouldn't talk so much, and look more where
he is going--we're _much_ too near the hedge!
_Driver_ (_standing up, and turning his back on the horses, as they
trot on_). Ladies and Gentlemen, you will all thoroughly understand
that the roads in this Island are narrow. Consequently, you must look
after the branches and briars yourselves. I've enough to do to look
after my 'orses, I assure you, and it looks bad to see 'ats and
bonnets decorating the 'edges after the car has passed. (_Some of the
Excursionists look at one another uneasily._) The glass-'ouses you see
in such quantities, are employed in the production of early grapes and
tomators for the London Market. This Island alone exports annually--
[_Here the car rounds a corner rather sharply, and he sits
down again._
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