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Page 4
* * * * *
BAD FOR WOULD-BE "ENGLISH WIVES"--It is reported that "Yankee Girls
and American Belles were the feature of the Miscellaneous Market."
This should put our young men on their mettle--tin, of course, for
choice. No reasonable offer refused.
* * * * *
[Illustration: "HOW IT'S DONE!"
(_Hard on Sketchley, who was there at the time and in the thick of it,
and has just had his Picture photographed._)
"OH! MR. SKETCHLEY, HOW CLEVER OF YOU TO PAINT SUCH A LARGE PICTURE
FROM SUCH A SMALL PHOTOGRAPH!"]
* * * * *
LAYS OF MODERN HOME.
NO. V.--MY BUTTONS!
[Illustration]
It wasn't that he blacked the plate
And rouged the boots, and breathed, half-choking,
Half-snorting, when he leaned to wait;
Although these habits _are_ provoking.
It wasn't that he sang his fill,
Although his mouth with food was giving;
This latter, as a feat of skill,
Might have procured the lad a living.
It wasn't that he'd purchase hosts
Of squibs and sweets to mess the pantry;
That horrid boy, and broomstick-ghosts
On timid JANE would oft, and ANN try.
These petty peccadilloes might
Have all improved with careful training.--
It was his shameless appetite
That gave us cause for most complaining.
He swilled and stuffed as never mere
Adult voracity can own to;
He was a "growing boy," I fear;
I wonder much what he has grown to!
He wore away our forks and spoons
With hard, incessant gormandizing;
The Baker's, and, for some blue moons,
The Milkman's bill were quite surprising.
[Illustration]
He cost us more in Butcher's meat
And Grocer's tea, and things from Cutlers,
He cost, I solemnly repeat,
Far more than two or three big Butlers.
And thus his fat increased until't
Became a show that sight bewilders;
We trembled for our mansion built,
You see, by noted Jerry-builders.
At length (you'll scarce the fact believe)
One evening, as we sat at dinner,
And strove our senses to deceive
By just imagining him thinner;
We heard a crack, a burst, a groan,
We felt a broadside round us battered,
We _saw_ his buttons fiercely blown
About our heads, and piecemeal scattered!
The suit had split; the boy was bare
Of clothes designed to last for ages;
We gave him notice then and there--
This _volume_, so to speak, of pages!
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