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Page 7
_Driver_. Ladies and Gentlemen, at this point I shall explain the
scenery. (_The Timid Lady protests that she is content to leave
the scenery unexplained._) Pardon me, this is a portion of the
scenery--(_Here his eyes close and reopen with an effort_)--a portion
of the scenery that can only be properly enjoyed coming out on one of
these cars. If you go out with ordinary drivers, they take you along
the main roads, and you come away fancying you've seen the Island.
Now the advantage of coming along with _me_--(_His eyes close once
more--the Excursionists implore him to attend to his team_.) You will
thoroughly understand there is not the slightest cause to apprehend
any danger. I've driven this car fifteen years without least
accident--up to _present_. So you can devote your whole attention
to the scenery, without needing to keep an eye upon the Driver.
(_He points to the abyss_.) That is the _shortest_ way down--on this
occasion, however, I shall endeavour _not_ to take it. (_He whips up
his horses, and accomplishes the descent at a brisk pace_.) There,
didn't I _tell_ you there wouldn't be no accident? Very _well_, then.
P'rhaps you'll believe me another time!
_Mild Man_ (_alighting at Hotel for luncheon_). We've had a remarkably
lucky escape--I never felt more thankful in my life!
_A Gloomy Exc._ Don't you be in too great a hurry, Sir! We've got to
get _back_--and he's bound to be worse after he's had his lunch!
[_The M.M.'s appetite for lobster is entirely destroyed by
this sinister prediction; but whether the Driver has been
unjustly maligned, or whether he has sobered himself in
the interval--he reappears in a more sedentary, and less
discursive mood, and the journey home proves agreeably devoid
of sensation._
* * * * *
SIMPLE STORIES.
"Be always kind to animals wherever you may be."
RUBY AND THE ROOK.
RUBY, although she was something of a tomboy, was a pretty and clever
girl.
But, like many pretty and clever little ladies, she was sometimes very
naughty. When she was good, she was as good as gold, but when she was
naughty, she was as naughty as pinchbeck.
The other day, when her dear Mamma was away for the morning, it
happened to be one of her pinchbeck times. Nothing would please
her--she was cross with her governess at breakfast, she quarrelled
with her bread-and-milk; and even when her favourite tame Rook,
Cawcus, came hopping on her shoulder, she refused to give it anything
to eat, but hit it on the beak with her spoon.
[Illustration]
Miss DUMBELL was very much grieved at the way in which her pupil
lolled in her chair, gave sullen answers, and put flies in the
milk-jug, and pinched the cat's tail. "Mind, RUBY," said Miss DUMBELL,
"at eleven o'clock I shall expect you in the school-room with that
page of French phrases quite perfect." RUBY's eyes flashed as she
went out of the room; she pouted, she swung her skirts, and shook her
shoulders, so that even Miss DUMBELL, the most patient and kindest of
governesses, quite longed to slap her.
RUBY went to the school-room; she immediately flung the French
phrase-book from one end of the room to the other. She took some
story-books, and a little basket full of apples, bath-buns and
"three-corners," and ran down to a little plantation called the
Wilderness, at the bottom of the garden. She selected one of the
tallest elms, and as she could climb like a kitten, she was soon at
the top of it, quite hidden from view among the leaves.
"So much for old DUMMY and her French phrases!" said the naughty girl,
as she settled herself in a comfortable position and brought out her
story-book. The stable-clock had struck twelve, and she heard her
name called in all directions, by JORGINS, the gardener, BRILLIT,
the buttons, and long-suffering Miss DUMBELL. They could not find her
anywhere, and her Most Serene Naughtiness sat screened by the leaves
and shook with laughter.
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