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Page 87
REVOLUTION, n. In politics, an abrupt change in the form of
misgovernment. Specifically, in American history, the substitution of
the rule of an Administration for that of a Ministry, whereby the
welfare and happiness of the people were advanced a full half-inch.
Revolutions are usually accompanied by a considerable effusion of
blood, but are accounted worth it -- this appraisement being made by
beneficiaries whose blood had not the mischance to be shed. The
French revolution is of incalculable value to the Socialist of to-day;
when he pulls the string actuating its bones its gestures are
inexpressibly terrifying to gory tyrants suspected of fomenting law
and order.
RHADOMANCER, n. One who uses a divining-rod in prospecting for
precious metals in the pocket of a fool.
RIBALDRY, n. Censorious language by another concerning oneself.
RIBROASTER, n. Censorious language by oneself concerning another.
The word is of classical refinement, and is even said to have been
used in a fable by Georgius Coadjutor, one of the most fastidious
writers of the fifteenth century -- commonly, indeed, regarded as the
founder of the Fastidiotic School.
RICE-WATER, n. A mystic beverage secretly used by our most popular
novelists and poets to regulate the imagination and narcotize the
conscience. It is said to be rich in both obtundite and lethargine,
and is brewed in a midnight fog by a fat which of the Dismal Swamp.
RICH, adj. Holding in trust and subject to an accounting the property
of the indolent, the incompetent, the unthrifty, the envious and the
luckless. That is the view that prevails in the underworld, where the
Brotherhood of Man finds its most logical development and candid
advocacy. To denizens of the midworld the word means good and wise.
RICHES, n.
A gift from Heaven signifying, "This is my beloved son, in
whom I am well pleased."
John D. Rockefeller
The reward of toil and virtue.
J.P. Morgan
The sayings of many in the hands of one.
Eugene Debs
To these excellent definitions the inspired lexicographer feels
that he can add nothing of value.
RIDICULE, n. Words designed to show that the person of whom they are
uttered is devoid of the dignity of character distinguishing him who
utters them. It may be graphic, mimetic or merely rident.
Shaftesbury is quoted as having pronounced it the test of truth -- a
ridiculous assertion, for many a solemn fallacy has undergone
centuries of ridicule with no abatement of its popular acceptance.
What, for example, has been more valorously derided than the doctrine
of Infant Respectability?
RIGHT, n. Legitimate authority to be, to do or to have; as the right
to be a king, the right to do one's neighbor, the right to have
measles, and the like. The first of these rights was once universally
believed to be derived directly from the will of God; and this is
still sometimes affirmed _in partibus infidelium_ outside the
enlightened realms of Democracy; as the well known lines of Sir
Abednego Bink, following:
By what right, then, do royal rulers rule?
Whose is the sanction of their state and pow'r?
He surely were as stubborn as a mule
Who, God unwilling, could maintain an hour
His uninvited session on the throne, or air
His pride securely in the Presidential chair.
Whatever is is so by Right Divine;
Whate'er occurs, God wills it so. Good land!
It were a wondrous thing if His design
A fool could baffle or a rogue withstand!
If so, then God, I say (intending no offence)
Is guilty of contributory negligence.
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