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Page 86
Joel Spate Woop
RESPLENDENT, adj. Like a simple American citizen beduking himself in
his lodge, or affirming his consequence in the Scheme of Things as an
elemental unit of a parade.
The Knights of Dominion were so resplendent in their velvet-
and-gold that their masters would hardly have known them.
"Chronicles of the Classes"
RESPOND, v.i. To make answer, or disclose otherwise a consciousness
of having inspired an interest in what Herbert Spencer calls "external
coexistences," as Satan "squat like a toad" at the ear of Eve,
responded to the touch of the angel's spear. To respond in damages is
to contribute to the maintenance of the plaintiff's attorney and,
incidentally, to the gratification of the plaintiff.
RESPONSIBILITY, n. A detachable burden easily shifted to the
shoulders of God, Fate, Fortune, Luck or one's neighbor. In the days
of astrology it was customary to unload it upon a star.
Alas, things ain't what we should see
If Eve had let that apple be;
And many a feller which had ought
To set with monarchses of thought,
Or play some rosy little game
With battle-chaps on fields of fame,
Is downed by his unlucky star
And hollers: "Peanuts! -- here you are!"
"The Sturdy Beggar"
RESTITUTIONS, n. The founding or endowing of universities and public
libraries by gift or bequest.
RESTITUTOR, n. Benefactor; philanthropist.
RETALIATION, n. The natural rock upon which is reared the Temple of
Law.
RETRIBUTION, n. A rain of fire-and-brimstone that falls alike upon
the just and such of the unjust as have not procured shelter by
evicting them.
In the lines following, addressed to an Emperor in exile by Father
Gassalasca Jape, the reverend poet appears to hint his sense of the
improduence of turning about to face Retribution when it is talking
exercise:
What, what! Dom Pedro, you desire to go
Back to Brazil to end your days in quiet?
Why, what assurance have you 'twould be so?
'Tis not so long since you were in a riot,
And your dear subjects showed a will to fly at
Your throat and shake you like a rat. You know
That empires are ungrateful; are you certain
Republics are less handy to get hurt in?
REVEILLE, n. A signal to sleeping soldiers to dream of battlefields
no more, but get up and have their blue noses counted. In the
American army it is ingeniously called "rev-e-lee," and to that
pronunciation our countrymen have pledged their lives, their
misfortunes and their sacred dishonor.
REVELATION, n. A famous book in which St. John the Divine concealed
all that he knew. The revealing is done by the commentators, who know
nothing.
REVERENCE, n. The spiritual attitude of a man to a god and a dog to a
man.
REVIEW, v.t.
To set your wisdom (holding not a doubt of it,
Although in truth there's neither bone nor skin to it)
At work upon a book, and so read out of it
The qualities that you have first read into it.
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