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Page 10
* * * * *
True.
The _World_ moves with the _Sun_.
* * * * *
Classic Grease.
A Paris grocer ornaments his shop-windows with a bust of ROCHEFORT, done
in lard, with prunes for eyes. After this, let us hear no more of the
sculptures of classic Greece. But why prunes? Why, to signify that after
the funeral of VICTOR NOIR he dried his eyes.
* * * * *
A Little Berlin Game.
Bismarck has sent Herr SILK to Pekin, to wind himself around the
Celestial emperor's heart, and also to make a cocoon for the Tycoon of
Japan, after worming himself into his affections. Perhaps, for being
such a darin' man, he may be made a mandarin!
* * * * *
A NOTARY'S PROTEST.
MR. PUNCHINELLO: I protest against certain annoyances to which a man in
my office is subjected. Whereby it must be understood that I refer to
myself and my official position, not to the nine by twelve apartment
where the wicked and perverse can always find my sign without much
seeking.
The drift of all this is, that I refer to Bores. It is not new, I know;
if it were, a New Sense might be shown by telling whether it came from
me originally. I believe that in all walks of life man's inhumanity to
man is mainly manifested by boring. Sometimes this is said to have been
done in past time, because the greatest "blower" known to the ancients
was called Old Bore as we know, and POLYPHEMUS complained of having been
bored by ULYSSES.
Let not the patient reader be alarmed now; for I am of a retiring
disposition, and am here indisposed to tire by dilating upon a class of
people who always Die Late enough of themselves. But I will say that the
worst bores with which a notary has to deal, are those who come to
swear, (and go out sworn,) and who either forget to pay or haven't the
change to pay right. Several such patronize me--changelessly. Singularly
enough, all hail from Boston, so that it is no wonder that I cry, All
hail, Boston! Here comes General X------, who swears and tenders me an
X, and asks for change. Then I swear myself, and say, with HAMLET, that
I will change that word with him; whereupon he puts the bill in his
pocket and goes _da mit,_ which conduct is both Germain to the
transaction and Dutch to me. Again, enters Mr. KOPPER, affably takes an
affidavit, and finds, to his grief and astonishment, that he has but
eleven cents in his pocket. Of course, he has coppered and won. But
why--tell me why, could he not have given me the sentiment, which I had
a right to expect from him? He bears the stamp of a bad Kopper; a
regular old Nick, and has done that unbecoming thing so often that it is
becoming monotonous And General X------ and Mr. K------ are types of a
large class who come before me to take acknowledgments and the like, for
whom I have no liking; who may as well acknowledge now, severally each
for himself, (the aforesaid Nick being for all of them,) that they do
take the same, and then, like men shunning fees, go without mentioning
fees once, which is surely misfeasance, in the eye of the law. The Dues
take them; why should men of means be so mean?
Then there is the man who stays; who is always the coming man, but never
the going one. And there is the beggar woman, who enters my office like
a ghost, and is a very great bore indeed. But of course beggars are
bores of which every office has plenty. Every body knows these
characters, however, and owes them too--one, at least, does. Well, it is
hard that because a man is bored dead at his boarding-house he can't
have peace in his office, and so I have made my protest against the
bores, as I said I would. --A NOTARY.
* * * * *
A War of Castes.
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