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Page 47
Laetitia. It is impossible for two people to agree better; for I
always detested your person; and as for any other regard, you must
be convinced I never could have any for you.
Jonathan. Why, then, since we are come to a right understanding,
as we are to live together, suppose we agreed, instead of
quarrelling and abusing, to be civil to each other.
Laetitia. With all my heart.
Jonathan. Let us shake hands then, and henceforwards never live
like man and wife; that is, never be loving nor ever quarrel.
Laetitia. Agreed. But pray, Mr. Wild, why b--ch? Why did you
suffer such a word to escape you?
Jonathan. It is not worth your remembrance.
Laetitia. You agree I shall converse with whomsoever I please?
Jonathan. Without controul. And I have the same liberty?
Laetitia. When I interfere may every curse you can wish attend me!
Jonathan. Let us now take a farewell kiss, and may I be hanged if
it is not the sweetest you ever gave me.
Laetitia. But why b--ch? Methinks I should be glad to know why b--ch?
At which words he sprang from the bed, d--ing her temper heartily.
She returned it again with equal abuse, which was continued on
both sides while he was dressing. However, they agreed to continue
steadfast in this new resolution; and the joy arising on that
occasion at length dismissed them pretty chearfully from each
other, though Laetitia could not help concluding with the words,
why b--ch?
CHAPTER NINE
OBSERVATIONS ON THE FOREGOING DIALOGUE, TOGETHER WITH A BASE
DESIGN ON OUR HERO, WHICH MUST BE DETESTED BY EVERY LOVER OF
GREATNESS.
Thus did this dialogue (which, though we have termed it
matrimonial, had indeed very little savour of the sweets of
matrimony in it) produce at last a resolution more wise than
strictly pious, and which, if they could have rigidly adhered to
it, might have prevented some unpleasant moments as well to our
hero as to his serene consort; but their hatred was so very great
and unaccountable that they never could bear to see the least
composure in one another's countenance without attempting to
ruffle it. This set them on so many contrivances to plague and vex
one another, that, as their proximity afforded them such frequent
opportunities of executing their malicious purposes, they seldom
passed one easy or quiet day together.
And this, reader, and no other, is the cause of those many
inquietudes which thou must have observed to disturb the repose of
some married couples who mistake implacable hatred for
indifference; for why should Corvinus, who lives in a round of
intrigue, and seldom doth, and never willingly would, dally with
his wife, endeavour to prevent her from the satisfaction of an
intrigue in her turn? Why doth Camilla refuse a more agreeable
invitation abroad, only to expose her husband at his own table at
home? In short, to mention no more instances, whence can all the
quarrels, and jealousies, and jars proceed in people who have no
love for each other, unless from that noble passion above
mentioned, that desire, according to my lady Betty Modish, of
CURING EACH OTHER OF A SMILE.
We thought proper to give our reader a short taste of the domestic
state of our hero, the rather to shew him that great men are
subject to the same frailties and inconveniences in ordinary life
with little men, and that heroes are really of the same species
with other human creatures, notwithstanding all the pains they
themselves or their flatterers take to assert the contrary; and
that they differ chiefly in the immensity of their greatness, or,
as the vulgar erroneously call it, villany. Now, therefore, that
we may not dwell too long on low scenes in a history of the
sublime kind, we shall return to actions of a higher note and more
suitable to our purpose.
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