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Page 23
The immoderate fondness which Wild entertained for his dear
Laetitia would not suffer him to waste any considerable time with
Miss Straddle. Notwithstanding, therefore, all the endearments and
caresses of that young lady, he soon made an excuse to go down
stairs, and thence immediately set forward to Laetitia without
taking any formal leave of Miss Straddle, or indeed of the drawer,
with whom the lady was afterwards obliged to come to an account
for the reckoning.
Mr. Wild, on his arrival at Mr. Snap's, found only Miss Doshy at
home, that young lady being employed alone, in imitation of
Penelope, with her thread or worsted, only with this difference,
that whereas Penelope unravelled by night what she had knit or
wove or spun by day, so what our young heroine unravelled by day
she knit again by night. In short, she was mending a pair of blue
stockings with red clocks; a circumstance which perhaps we might
have omitted, had it not served to show that there are still some
ladies of this age who imitate the simplicity of the ancients.
Wild immediately asked for his beloved, and was informed that she
was not at home. He then enquired where she was to be found, and
declared he would not depart till he had seen her, nay not till he
had married her; for, indeed, his passion for her was truly
honourable; in other words, he had so ungovernable a desire for
her person, that he would go any length to satisfy it. He then
pulled out the casket, which he swore was full of the finest
jewels, and that he would give them all to her, with other
promises, which so prevailed on Miss Doshy, who had not the common
failure of sisters in envying, and often endeavouring to
disappoint, each other's happiness, that she desired Mr. Wild to
sit down a few minutes, whilst she endeavoured to find her sister
and to bring her to him. The lover thanked her, and promised to
stay till her return; and Miss Doshy, leaving Mr. Wild to his
meditations, fastened him in the kitchen by barring the door (for
most of the doors in this mansion were made to be bolted on the
outside), and then, slapping to the door of the house with great
violence, without going out at it, she stole softly up stairs
where Miss Laetitia was engaged in close conference with Mr.
Bagshot. Miss Letty, being informed by her sister in a whisper of
what Mr. Wild had said, and what he had produced, told Mr. Bagshot
that a young lady was below to visit her whom she would despatch
with all imaginable haste and return to him. She desired him
therefore to stay with patience for her in the mean time, and that
she would leave the door unlocked, though her papa would never
forgive her if he should discover it. Bagshot promised on his
honour not to step without his chamber; and the two young ladies
went softly down stairs, when, pretending first to make their
entry into the house, they repaired to the kitchen, where not even
the presence of the chaste Laetitia could restore that harmony to
the countenance of her lover which Miss Theodosia had left him
possessed of; for, during her absence, he had discovered the
absence of a purse containing bank-notes for 900 pounds, which had
been taken from Mr. Heartfree, and which, indeed, Miss Straddle
had, in the warmth of his amorous caresses, unperceived drawn from
him. However, as he had that perfect mastery of his temper, or
rather of his muscles, which is as necessary to the forming a
great character as to the personating it on the stage, he soon
conveyed a smile into his countenance, and, sealing as well his
misfortune as his chagrin at it, began to pay honourable addresses
to Miss Letty. This young lady, among many other good ingredients
had three very predominant passions; to wit, vanity, wantonness,
and avarice. To satisfy the first of these she employed Mr. Smirk
and company; to the second, Mr. Bagshot and company; and our hero
had the honour and happiness of solely engrossing the third. Now,
these three sorts of lovers she had very different ways of
entertaining. With the first she was all gay and coquette; with
the second all fond and rampant; and with the last all cold and
reserved. She therefore told Mr. Wild, with a most composed
aspect, that she was glad he had repented of his manner of
treating her at their last interview, where his behaviour was so
monstrous that she had resolved never to see him any more; that
she was afraid her own sex would hardly pardon her the weakness
she was guilty of in receding from that resolution, which she was
persuaded she never should have brought herself to, had not her
sister, who was there to confirm what she said (as she did with
many oaths), betrayed her into his company, by pretending it was
another person to visit her: but, however, as he now thought
proper to give her more convincing proofs of his affections (for
he had now the casket in his hand), and since she perceived his
designs were no longer against her virtue, but were such as a
woman of honour might listen to, she must own--and then she
feigned an hesitation, when Theodosia began: "Nay, sister, I am
resolved you shall counterfeit no longer. I assure you, Mr. Wild,
she hath the most violent passion for you in the world; and
indeed, dear Tishy, if you offer to go back, since I plainly see
Mr. Wild's designs are honourable, I will betray all you have ever
said." "How, sister!" answered Laetitia; "I protest you will drive
me out of the room: I did not expect this usage from you." Wild
then fell on his knees, and, taking hold of her hand, repeated a
speech, which, as the reader may easily suggest it to himself, I
shall not here set down. He then offered her the casket, but she
gently rejected it; and on a second offer, with a modest
countenance and voice, desired to know what it contained. Wild
then opened it, and took forth (with sorrow I write it, and with
sorrow will it be read) one of those beautiful necklaces with
which, at the fair of Bartholomew, they deck the well-bewhitened
neck of Thalestris queen of Amazons, Anna Bullen, queen Elizabeth,
or some other high princess in Drollic story. It was indeed
composed of that paste which Derdaeus Magnus, an ingenious toy-
man, doth at a very moderate price dispense of to the second-rate
beaus of the metropolis. For, to open a truth, which we ask our
reader's pardon for having concealed from him so long, the
sagacious count, wisely fearing lest some accident might prevent
Mr. Wild's return at the appointed time, had carefully conveyed
the jewels which Mr. Heartfree had brought with him into his own
pocket, and in their stead had placed in the casket these
artificial stones, which, though of equal value to a philosopher,
and perhaps of a much greater to a true admirer of the
compositions of art, had not however the same charms in the eyes
of Miss Letty, who had indeed some knowledge of jewels; for Mr.
Snap, with great reason, considering how valuable a part of a
lady's education it would be to be well instructed in these
things, in an age when young ladies learn little more than how to
dress themselves, had in her youth placed Miss Letty as the
handmaid (or housemaid as the vulgar call it) of an eminent
pawnbroker. The lightning, therefore, which should have flashed
from the jewels, flashed from her eyes, and thunder immediately
followed from her voice. She be-knaved, be-rascalled, be-rogued
the unhappy hero, who stood silent, confounded with astonishment,
but more with shame and indignation, at being thus outwitted and
overreached. At length he recovered his spirits, and, throwing
down the casket in a rage, he snatched the key from the table,
and, without making any answer to the ladies, who both very
plentifully opened upon him, and without taking any leave of them,
he flew out at the door, and repaired with the utmost expedition
to the count's habitation.
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