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Page 51
Courtesy is the very foundation of all good conversation. Good speech
consists as much in listening politely as in talking agreeably. Someone
has said, very wisely, "A talker who monopolizes the conversation is by
common consent insufferable, and a man who regulates his choice of topics
by reference to what interests not his hearers but himself has yet to
learn the alphabet of the art." To be agreeable in conversation, one must
first learn the law of talking just enough, of listening politely while
others speak, and of speaking of that in which one's companions are most
interested.
There was a time when bluntness of manner was excused on the ground that
the speaker was candid, frank, outspoken. People used to pride
themselves upon the fact that in their conversation they had spoken the
truth-and hurt some one. To-day there are certain recognized courtesies
of speech, and kindliness has taken the place of candidness. There is no
longer any excuse for you to say things in your conversation that will
cause discomfort or pain to any one of your hearers.
One should never interrupt unless there is a good reason for it and then
it should be done with apologies. It is not courteous to ask a great
many questions and personal ones are always taboo. One should be careful
not to use over and over and over again the same words and phrases and
one should not fall in the habit of asking people to repeat their
remarks. Argument should be avoided and contradicting is always
discourteous. When it seems that a heated disagreement is about to ensue
it is wise tactfully to direct the conversation into other channels as
soon as it can be done without too abrupt a turn, for to jerk the talk
from one topic to another for the obvious purpose of "switching someone
off the track" is in itself very rude.
Let your proverb be, "Talk well, but not too much."
THE VOICE
Ruskin said, "Vulgarity is indicated by coarseness of language." By
language he meant not only words and phrases, but coarseness of voice.
There can be nothing more characteristic of good breeding than a soft,
well modulated, pleasing voice. This quotation from Demosthenes is only
another way of saying it: "As a vessel is known by the sound whether it
is cracked or not, so men are proved by their speeches whether they be
wise or foolish."
Conversation should be lively without noise. It is not well-bred to be
demonstrative in action while speaking, to talk loudly, or to laugh
boisterously. Conversation should have less emphasis, and more
quietness, more dignified calmness. Some of us are so eager, in our
determination to be agreeable in conversation, to dominate the entire
room with our voice, that we forget the laws of good conduct. And we
wonder why people consider us bores.
Don't be afraid to open your mouth when you talk. First know what you
want to say, be sure that it is worth saying, and then say it calmly,
confidently, /through your mouth/ and not through your nose. Too many
people talk through tightly closed teeth and then wonder why people don't
understand them. Enunciate clearly and give to your vowels and
consonants the proper resonance.
Another mistake to avoid is rapid speaking. To talk slowly and
deliberately, is to enhance the pleasure and beauty of the conversation.
Rapidity in speech results in indistinctness, and indistinctness leads
invariably to monotony.
EASE IN SPEECH
There are two languages of speech-voice and gesture. Voice appeals to
the ear, gesture to the eye. It is an agreeable combination of the two
that makes conversation pleasant.
"A really well-bred man," a writer once said, "would speak to all kings
in the world with as little concern and as much ease as he would speak to
you." Confusion is the enemy of eloquence. Self-restraint must be
developed before one can hope to be either a good conversationalist or a
social success. To create a pleasant, harmonious atmosphere, and at the
same time to make one's ideas carry conviction, one must talk with ease
and calm assurance.
Try to be naturally courteous and cordial in your speech. It is a
mistake to "wear your feelings on your sleeve" and resent everything that
everyone else says that does not please you. To become quickly excited,
to speak harshly and sarcastically is to sacrifice one's dignity and ease
of manner. Know what you want to say, be sure you understand it, and
when you say it, be open for criticisms or suggestions from those around
you. Do not become flustered and excited merely because someone else
does not agree with you. Remember that Homer said, "The tongue speaks
wisely when the soul is wise," and surely the soul can be wise only when
one is entirely calm, self-confident and at peace with all the world!
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