Book of Etiquette, Volume 2 by Lillian Eichler Watson


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Page 18

SPECIAL ENTERTAINMENT

Some hostesses like to provide special entertainment for their
guests--professional dancers, elocutionists, or singers. But here
"circumstances must alter cases." As a matter of fact, not very much
entertainment is really required, for if the guests are congenial, they
will no doubt enjoy conversation among themselves. It is, of course, not
necessary to limit one's conversation to the lady or gentleman with whom
one's lot has been cast for the evening. However, special attention
should be paid to that person.

WHEN TO LEAVE

It is only an extremely rude and discourteous guest who will leave
immediately upon the conclusion of the dinner. The correct thing to do,
when invited to a dinner that begins at eight o'clock is to order one's
car to appear at the door at ten-thirty. In most cases, however, when
the guests are brilliant and pleasant, and when conversation holds one in
spite of the desire to leave, it is customary to remain until eleven
o'clock when the party will, no doubt, break up entirely.

In these days of gay festivities and continual hospitalities, it is not
unusual for a popular guest to be invited to two receptions in one
evening. Even this urgent responsibility, however, does not warrant the
guest's hurrying away while the dinner is still serving--though it may be
the last stages. The courteous way is to wait until all the guests have
adjourned to the drawing-room, remain fifteen or twenty minutes
conversing with one's partner or other guests, and then with a fitting
apology and brief explanation, order one's car. If this is followed, the
hostess cannot feel any dissatisfaction or resentment; but the guest who
insists on rushing away, shows ill-breeding and inconsideration.

TAKING LEAVE

The lady, whether she be wife, sister or fiancee, is the first to express
a desire to depart. When she does, she and the gentleman will seek out
the host and hostess, thank them cordially for their hospitality, and
take their leave. Here are some accepted forms that may be used with
variations according to the guest's own personality:

"Good-night, Mrs. Carr. I must thank you for a perfectly delightful
evening."

To which the hostess will no doubt answer something to this effect:

"We were glad to have you, I'm sure, Mrs. Roberts."

Here is another manner in which to extend one's thanks, and how to accept
them:

"Sorry we must start so soon, Mrs. Carr. Thank you so much for your
kindness."

"Good-night, Mrs. Roberts. I hope to see you soon again."

It is also very important to bid one's partner for the evening a cordial
good-night. In fact, it is a flagrant breach to leave without having
thanked one's partner--and a gentleman will never do it. A word or two
is all that is necessary.

The hostess, in taking leave of her guests, will gratefully acknowledge
their thanks and say a word or two expressing her pleasure at their
presence. It is not civil or courteous on the part of either host or
hostess to attempt to prolong the presence of any guest after he has made
it known that he wishes to depart.

INVITING A STOP-GAP

If the hostess finds, almost at the last moment, that one of her guests
is unavoidably detained and will not be able to attend the dinner, she
may call upon a friend to take the vacant place. The friend thus invited
should not feel that he or she is playing "second-fiddle" and the fact
that she was not invited at first should not tempt her to refuse the
invitation which would be a serious discourtesy, indeed. Quite on the
contrary, she should accept cordially, and then do her utmost to make her
(or his, as the case may be) presence at the dinner amiable and pleasant.

The invitation is usually in the form of a hand-written note, explaining
the reason for its last-minute arrival, and frankly requesting the
presence of the lady or gentleman in the place of the one who cannot
appear. The answer should be brief but sincere; there must be no hint in
it that the recipient is not altogether pleased with the invitation and
with the idea of dining in someone's else place. To refuse an invitation
to serve as a stop-gap, without an acceptable reason for doing so is an
inexcusable violation of the rules of good breeding.

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Books | Photos | Paul Mutton | Sat 25th Oct 2025, 3:53