Book of Etiquette, Volume 2 by Lillian Eichler Watson


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Page 16

THE HOSTESS

Important indeed are the duties of the hostess, for it is upon her that
the ultimate success of the dinner depends. It is not enough to send out
the invitations, plan a delectable menu and supervise the laying of the
table. She must afford pleasant diversion and entertainment for her
guests from the minute they enter her home until they are ready to leave.
The ideal hostess is the one who can make her guests, one and all, feel
better satisfied with themselves and the world in general when they leave
her home than they did when they arrived.

WHEN THE GUESTS ARRIVE

The duty of receiving and welcoming the guests rests with the host and
hostess. They receive in the drawing-room until fifteen or twenty
minutes after the time mentioned in the invitations. Then, even if there
is still a guest or two missing, it is customary for dinner to be served.
Only on one occasion does this rule vary; if the dinner is being held in
honor of some celebrated guest, it may not be served until he has
arrived.

The hostess, in inviting her guests, should be sure that there is an
equal number of men and women. Husbands and wives should never be sent
into the dining-room together. The usual order of precedence is as
follows: The host leads with the lady who is to sit at his right; if the
dinner is in honor of a married couple, the host goes in to dinner with
the wife of the honored guest; the hostess ending the "procession" with
that lady's husband. When there are no guests of honor the host takes the
eldest lady present. Usually a lady visiting the house for the first
time is the first to enter the dining-room. If there is one more woman
than men in the party, the customary thing is for the hostess to enter
the dining-room alone after all her guests have entered it. She must
never take the other arm of the last gentleman.

The seating should be arranged by placing cards bearing the names of each
guest next to each plate if the party is a large one. This method may be
pursued if the party is small, though, in this case it is quite possible
for the hostess to indicate gracefully the place where she wishes each
guest to sit. The guests who enter the dining-room together sit side by
side; the hostess always waits until everyone is seated, before she takes
her place and motions that the dinner is to proceed.

When a guest arrives late, the hostess must endeavor to make him feel at
ease and unembarrassed. If the guest is a woman, she rises, greets her
cordially and conducts her to her place without mentioning her lateness.
If it is a man, she merely bows and smiles without rising and immediately
starts a lively discussion or interesting conversation to draw attention
away from the late arrival. In this manner he is put at ease, and the
incident is promptly forgotten.

THE SUCCESSFUL HOSTESS

The hostess must see that all her guests are comfortable and well taken
care of. She must stimulate conversation and help things along by
herself relating amusing little anecdotes or experiences. She must not
introduce any topic, however, that would in the least detail suggest
scandal or gossip.

Nothing is more delightful, at the dinner table, whether formal or
informal, than the interesting little chats between old friends and new
acquaintances. Special musical programs always please dinner guests, and
when held after dinner are usually appreciated. In selecting musical
numbers the hostess should bear in mind the personal likes and dislikes
of her guests. Music during the meal if it is soft enough not to
interfere with conversation is pleasing, though it is not essential. The
musicians should be hidden behind palms.

Happy is she, who, at the conclusion of the formal dinner, can say to
herself that everything was as it should be; that each of the guests had
an enjoyable time; that the entire dinner had been a success. And she
may claim the success of the evening as her own, for it is upon the
hostess that each phase of successful dinner-giving devolves, even when
most of the actual entertaining is done by one or more of the guests.

THE GUEST

When Gung-Yee-Far-Choy (the Chinese two-week New Year) comes, our yellow
cousins make their formal visits. It is a time of extreme convention,
and despite the seeming revelry and celebration, the strictest rules are
observed. The calls are made according to the caller's rank. One pays
visits to those superior, receiving in turn those inferior. It is
perplexing to know just how they decide which is superior and which
inferior in each case. Perhaps it is their Oriental instinct.

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