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Page 30
Of all the persons whom I saw, I was the most pleased with Madame
Moszynska, the widow of the grand-treasurer of the crown. She received
me most affectionately, and I feel a strong attraction toward her. She
expressed much admiration for me; but indeed, I received commendation
everywhere, and everywhere did I hear that I was beautiful. Perhaps I
owe a great part of these praises to my costume; I was so well
dressed! ... much better than at Barbara's wedding! I wore a white silk
dress with gauze flounces, and my hair was dressed with pearls.
If I had seen the Duke of Courland, I should have been perfectly
satisfied; but I met him in none of the houses to which I went. They say
he is so happy to be once more with his family that he devotes all his
time to them. This feeling seems very natural to me, for when I was at
boarding school, I was very melancholy whenever I thought of my parents,
and I felt an imperative desire to see them, surpassing anything I had
before experienced.
The carnival will soon begin; every one says it will be very brilliant,
and that there will be many balls; it is impossible that I should not
somewhere meet the Duke of Courland.
Wednesday, _January 1st, 1750_.
All my desires have been gratified, and far beyond my hopes; I have seen
the prince royal! I have seen and spoken to him! ... I must indeed be
dreaming; my mind is filled with the most lively impressions, strange
and wild fancies surge through my brain, and I feel at once exalted and
depressed, transported with joy and tremulous through fear. I would not
dare to confide to any one that which I am about to write; it is all
perhaps only illusion, deception, error.... But yet, I have always
hitherto judged correctly of the effect which I produced; I
instinctively divined the degree in which I pleased; I have never been
deceived; can I be mistaken now? ... And indeed, why should not a prince
find me beautiful, when all other men tell me that I am so? But there
was more than admiration in the prince royal's eyes, which have a
peculiarly penetrating expression; his look was more kind than ordinary
glances, and said more than any words. Perhaps all princes may be thus!
But that I may remember during my whole life, or rather that I may one
day read all this again, I will now write down a detailed account of
last evening and of the few hours immediately preceding.
Yesterday morning the Princess Lubomirska sent for me and said, 'To-day
is the last of the year, and there will be to-night a grand festival, a
masked ball; all the nobility will be there, and even the king and his
sons; at least, I think so. I have selected a dress for you; you will go
as a virgin of the sun.'
I was so charmed with the choice of this costume, that I kissed the hand
of the princess.
After dinner all the maids came to assist at my toilet, and most
assuredly it was no ordinary toilet. My hair was not powdered and I wore
no hoop, whence the prince said to me, quite gravely, 'This costume is
not at all in accordance with received notions and fashions; any other
woman would certainly be lost were she to wear it; but I am sure you
will supply by the severity of your deportment and the propriety of your
manners whatever may be lacking in dignity, or too light, in your
dress.'
I did not forget his advice: notwithstanding my vivacity, I can assume
upon occasion a very majestic air; and indeed, I overheard some one
saying at the ball, 'Who is that queen in disguise?'
Ah! I know that I was more beautiful than I usually am. My hair, without
powder and black as ebony, fell in curls over my forehead, my neck, and
my shoulders; my dress was made of white gauze, and had not that long
train which hides the feet and impedes the motions. I wore a zone of
gold and precious stones round my waist, and was entirely enveloped in a
transparent white veil; I seemed to be in a cloud. When I looked in my
mirror, I could scarcely recognize myself.
The ball room, brilliantly lighted, and glittering with gold and the
most gorgeous costumes, presented a dazzling spectacle; the women,
nearly all robed in fancy dresses, were charming; I did not know to
which one I should give the preference.
A few moments after our arrival, we learned that the Duke of Courland
was in the hall; my eyes sought and found him, surrounded by a brilliant
group of young men. His dress differed but little from that of the lords
of his court; but I could distinguish him among them all. His figure is
tall and dignified, his air noble and affable; his beautiful blue eyes
and his charming smile eclipse all that approach him; where he is, no
one can see anything but himself.
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