|
Main
- books.jibble.org
My Books
- IRC Hacks
Misc. Articles
- Meaning of Jibble
- M4 Su Doku
- Computer Scrapbooking
- Setting up Java
- Bootable Java
- Cookies in Java
- Dynamic Graphs
- Social Shakespeare
External Links
- Paul Mutton
- Jibble Photo Gallery
- Jibble Forums
- Google Landmarks
- Jibble Shop
- Free Books
- Intershot Ltd
|
books.jibble.org
Previous Page
| Next Page
Page 33
Most benign and beautiful was the morning. The "Empire State" emerged
from the fog and left it, a rosy cloud, astern. The chasing waves
sparkled and danced for joy. The sun was up, fresh and unstained as
yesterday. Night, that had changed so much, had left the sun undimmed.
With the same power and brightness as for innumerable past centuries,
his glorious glance colored the gray sky blue. Helwyse--he was at the
stern taffrail again--looked at the marvellous sphere with unwinking
eyes, until it blurred and swam before him, and danced in colored
rings. It warmed his face, but penetrated no deeper. Looking away,
black suns moved everywhere before his eyes, and the earth looked dim
and shabby, as though blighted by a curse.
Helwyse had not slept, partly from disinclination to the solitude of
his berth, partly because the thought of awakening dismayed him.
Nevertheless, he could scarcely believe in what had happened, now. He
stood upon the very spot; here was the semicircle of railing, the
camp-stools, the white cabin-wall against which he had leaned. But the
blackness of night had so utterly past away that it seemed as though
the deed done in it must in some manner have vanished likewise. What
is fact at one time looks unreal at another. It must be associated
with all times and moods before it can be fully comprehended and
accepted.
Glancing down at the deck, Helwyse saw there the cigar he had been
smoking the night before, flattened out by the tread of a foot, and
lying close beside it a sparkling ring. He picked it up; it was a
diamond of purest water, curiously caught between the mouths of two
little serpents, whose golden and black bodies, twisted round each
other, formed the hoop. Realizing, after a moment, from whose finger
it must have fallen, he had an impulse to fling it far into the sea;
but his second thought was not to part from it. The idea of its former
owner must indeed always be hateful to his murderer; but the bond
between their souls was closer and more indissoluble than that between
man and wife; and of so unnatural a union this ring was a fair emblem.
Unnatural though the union were, to Helwyse it seemed at the time
better than total solitude.
He felt heavy and inelastic,--averse to himself, but still more to
society. He wished to see men and women, yet not to be seen of them.
He had used to be ready in speech, and willing to listen; now, no
subject interested him save one,--on which his lips must be forever
closed. When the sun had made himself thoroughly at home on earth and
in heaven, Helwyse went to his state-room, feeling unclean from the
soul outwards. While making his toilet, he took care to leave the
window-blind up, that he might at any time see the blue sky and water,
and the bright shore, with its foliage and occasional houses. He
shrank from severing, even for an instant, his communication with the
beneficent spirit of nature. And yet Nature could not comfort him,--in
his extremest need he found her most barren. He had been wont to
rejoice in her as the creature of his own senses; but when he asked
her to sympathize with his pain, she laughed at him,--the magnificent
coquette!--and bade him, since she was only the reflection of himself,
be content with his own sympathy. Truly, if man and Nature be thus
allied, and God be but man developed, then is self-sufficiency the
only virtue worth cultivating, and idolatry must begin at home!
His efforts to improve his appearance were not satisfactory; the loss
of his toilet articles embarrassed him not a little; and he, moreover,
lacked zest to enter into the business with his customary care. And
what he did was done not merely for his own satisfaction, as
heretofore, but with an eye to the criticisms of other people. His
naively unconscious independence had got a blow. After doing his best
he went out, pale and heavy-eyed, the diamond ring on his finger.
The passengers had begun to assemble in the cabin. It seemed to
Helwyse, as he entered, that one and all turned and stared at him with
suspicious curiosity. He half expected to see an accuser rise up and
point a dreadful finger at him. But in truth the sensation he created
was no more than common; it was his morbid sensitiveness, which for
the first time took note of it. He had been accustomed to look at
himself as at a third person, in whose faults or successes he was
alike interested; but although his present mental attitude might have
moved him to smile, he, in fact, felt no such impulse. The hue of his
deed had permeated all possible forms of himself, thus barring him
from any standpoint whence to see its humorous aspect. The sun would
not shine on it!
As time passed on, however, and no one offered to denounce him,
Helwyse began to be more at ease. Seeing the steward with whom he had
spoken the night before, he asked him whereabouts he supposed the
schooner was.
Previous Page
| Next Page
|
|