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Page 18
"But it will be necessary to instruct you in the Manner of making
your Address, when you enter the Court. You must remember then to
pay your Compliments to the _Squabbaws_, before you do to the
Emperor; and of these the _Vultuaquilians_ claim the Precedence to
those of our own Nation, particularly the bulkiest. It is the
Praftice here to do so, for the Emperor, as to what regards himself,
is no great Lover of Ceremony. The Form of addressing these
_Squabbaws_ has something in it very singular; but the servile
Manners of the _Cacklogallinians_ to those in any Power has made it
necessary to be comply'd with, and is the Cause that they now expect
it. You must make a low Obeisance to the Ground, at which time they
will turn their Backsides upon you, and spreading all the Feathers
of their Tails, give you an Opportunity of saluting them behind. You
will see the _Cacklogallinians_ of Figure and Rank pressing in,
endeavouring who shall be first in kissing the Posteriors of these
_Squabbaws_; and those upon whom they are graciously pleased to turn
their Backsides, and spread their Tails, return highly satisfied, as
if some extraordinary Honour had been conferr'd upon them; nay, I my
self am obliged to do it in as obsequious a Manner as any other,
every time I approach them."
When he had spoke these Words, a Servant came in to give him Notice,
that the Coach was ready. He ordered me to put on my Mantle, and attend
him: I did so, and he was pleased to do me the Honour to carry me with
him in his Coach. In the Way, he discoursed me upon several Subjects.
Among other things, it came into his Head to enquire of me, whether, in
the Parts of the World from whence I came, there were any such things as
Poets. I gave him to understand, that we had several who had been famous
in my own Country. He desired to know what kind of Persons they were: I
answered him, they were the faithful Registers of the glorious Actions
of great Men, whose Praises they sung, in order to stir up others, by
their Examples, to the Practice of Vertue, and Love of their Country;
and that as it required a great Genius, and fine Understanding, to be a
good Poet, they were, for that Reason, highly caressed by the Great, and
their Works so well paid for, that it was as rare to see a Poet poor, as
a Minister of State grow rich by his Employment. This I said, as well
out of Regard to Truth, as for the Honour of my Country. He appeared
pretty much surpriz'd at this Account of our Poets, and told me theirs
were of a different Character, and met with a different Fate; for they
were but little regarded by any great Birds, except the Vain and the
Silly, who wanted a little Flattery, for which they paid some small
Gratuity, while they wou'd not accept of them as Companions; for it was
not fashionable for those of Figure to converse with any thing inferior
to them in Wealth or Quality, which was reputed to have Sense: On the
contrary, when they receiv'd such for Companions, it was upon the
Account of their being either _Buffoons_ or _Pandars_; and this he was
pleased to say was the Fashion.
He also confess'd to me, that he himself never had any great Regard for
that Sort of Persons, which he own'd he sometimes had Reason to repent;
for he found that by their Verses and Discourses, they influenced the
Publick very much, by whom they were look'd upon with more Esteem, than
by the Courtiers; and that his Enemies had made a proper Advantage of
his Contempt of them; for they had taken the most ingenious amongst
them into their Party, and exasperated them against him; so that
their Compositions had kept up a Spirit against him, and he had the
Mortification of seeing the People always receive with Pleasure any
thing that exposed and satyriz'd his Conduct. That indeed in his own
Defence, he had imploy'd some others to chant his Praise; but they
were such wretched Poetasters, and did it so awkardly, that their
Performances prov'd more bitter Invectives than the Satyrs of
the others; for whenever there happen'd the least Flaw in his
Administration, he was sure to receive congratulatory Verses immediately
upon it; and that was the Time they chose to proclaim the Happiness the
Subject enjoy'd by his wise Management: And they carried this Matter to
such a ridiculous Height, that there was not a Vice or a Folly, that
either he or any of his Family were remarkable for, but they were
prais'd for the contrary Vertues and Accomplishments.
By this Time we arriv'd at the Gates of the Palace; for the Coach being
drawn by Six Ostriches, we were but a little Time upon the Way; and
mounting the great Stair-case, without being any way molested by the
People's Curiosity (for the Moment my Lord appear'd every Fowl of what
Quality soever, clapp'd his Beak to the Ground, and did not alter that
Posture till he was past) he bid me stay in the Anti-chamber till sent
for, and went himself into the Presence. He had not been there five
Minutes, before I heard that Door open, and a Jay with a strait-body'd
Coat, which button'd on his Breast, and thro' which his Wings and Legs
pass'd, came hopping into the Room where I was, surrounded by the
Courtiers, who view'd me with Surprize, but were so well bred as to
whisper their Sentiments of me. This impertinent Jay peck'd 'em by the
Legs, or pull'd 'em by the Crown-feathers, without Distinction: Nay, I
saw some _Cacklogallinians_ of the great Order, whose Heads he could not
reach, stoop to him, and beg he would do them the Honour to pull their
Crowns. Every one shew'd him Respect, and made way for him to come up
to me; he view'd me some time, and then peck'd me by the Finger; for he
did not reach higher than my Hand, when it hung down. I returned the
Compliment with a Wherret of my Fist, which knock'd him over, and had
cost me my Life, durst any have struck in the Palace. There was a
terrible Uproar, and I was apprehensive, that I should pay dear for my
Resentment; but the Emperor to whom my Lord was then giving an Account
of me, being inform'd, that the Impertinence of the Jay had caus'd the
Disturbance, he order'd him to be carried to the Guard, that he should
be lock'd up for three Days, and take two Purges and a Vomit (for
Criminals not guilty of Capital Crimes, are punish'd by a Number of
Vomits or Purges, which are more or less, according to the Vileness
of the Fact) I was called into the Presence-chamber, where I made my
Compliment as instructed, and then address'd my self to the Ladies,
giving the Precedence always to the bulkiest, according to my
Instructions. The first _Squabbaw_ whom I address'd my self to, was
about Seven Foot round; her Crop hung within Six Inches of the Floor,
which I have since learn'd is a particular Beauty; the Effluvia of her
Body were extreamly strong, and oblig'd his Imperial Majesty, when she
spread her Tail to me, to smell to an Aromatick Leaf.
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