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Page 45
"But I refrain from pursuing this minute description which goes on
to describe the warriors of Bloemen-dael, and Weehawk, and
Hoboken, and sundry other places, well known in history and song;
for now do the notes of martial music alarm the people of New
Amsterdam, sounding afar from beyond the walls of the city. But
this alarm was in a little while relieved, for lo! from the midst
of a vast cloud of dust, they recognized the brimstone-colored
breeches and splendid silver leg of Peter Stuyvesant, glaring in
the sunbeams; and beheld him approaching at the head of a
formidable army, which he had mustered along the banks of the
Hudson. And here the excellent but anonymous writer of the
Stuyvesant manuscript breaks out into a brave and glorious
description of the forces, as they defiled through the principal
gate of the city, that stood by the head of Wall Street.
"First of all came the Van Bummels, who inhabit the pleasant
borders of the Bronx: these were short fat men, wearing exceeding
large trunk-breeches, and were renowned for feats of the trencher.
They were the first inventors of suppawn, or mush and milk.--Close
in their rear marched the Van Vlotens, of Kaatskill, horrible
quaffers of new cider, and arrant braggarts in their liquor.--After
them came the Van Pelts of Groodt Esopus, dexterous horsemen,
mounted upon goodly switch-tailed steeds of the Esopus breed. These
were mighty hunters of minks and musk-rats, whence came the word
_Peltry_.--Then the Van Nests of Kinderhoeck, valiant robbers of
birds'-nests, as their name denotes. To these, if report may be
believed, are we indebted for the invention of slap-jacks, or
buckwheat-cakes.--Then the Van Higginbottoms, of Wapping's creek.
These came armed with ferules and birchen rods, being a race of
schoolmasters, who first discovered the marvelous sympathy between
the seat of honor and the seat of intellect,--and that the shortest
way to get knowledge into the head was to hammer it into the
bottom.--Then the Van Grolls, of Antony's Nose, who carried their
liquor in fair round little pottles, by reason they could not bouse
it out of their canteens, having such rare long noses.--Then the
Gardeniers, of Hudson and thereabouts, distinguished by many
triumphant feats, such as robbing water-melon patches, smoking
rabbits out of their holes, and the like, and by being great lovers
of roasted pigs' tails. These were the ancestors of the renowned
congressman of that name.--Then the Van Hoesens, of Sing-Sing,
great choristers and players upon the jews-harp. These marched two
and two, singing the great song of St. Nicholas.--Then the
Couenhovens, of Sleepy Hollow. These gave birth to a jolly race of
publicans, who first discovered the magic artifice of conjuring a
quart of wine into a pint bottle.--Then the Van Kortlandts, who
lived on the wild banks of the Croton, and were great killers of
wild ducks, being much spoken of for their skill in shooting with
the long bow.--Then the Van Bunschotens, of Nyack and Kakiat, who
were the first that did ever kick with the left foot. They were
gallant bushwhackers and hunters of raccoons by moonlight.--Then
the Van Winkles, of Haerlem, potent suckers of eggs, and noted for
running of horses, and running up of scores at taverns. They were
the first that ever winked with both eyes at once.--Lastly came the
KNICKERBOCKERS, of the great town of Scaghtikoke, where the folk
lay stones upon the houses in windy weather, lest they should be
blown away. These derive their name, as some say, from _Knicker_,
to shake, and _Beker_, a goblet, indicating thereby that they were
sturdy toss-pots of yore; but, in truth, it was derived from
_Knicker_, to nod, and _Boeken_, books: plainly meaning that they
were great nodders or dozers over books. From them did descend the
writer of this history."
In the midst of Irving's mock-heroics, he always preserves a substratum
of good sense. An instance of this is the address of the redoubtable
wooden-legged governor, on his departure at the head of his warriors to
chastise the Swedes:--
"Certain it is, not an old woman in New Amsterdam but considered
Peter Stuyvesant as a tower of strength, and rested satisfied that
the public welfare was secure so long as he was in the city. It is
not surprising, then, that they looked upon his departure as a sore
affliction. With heavy hearts they draggled at the heels of his
troop, as they marched down to the river-side to embark. The
governor, from the stern of his schooner, gave a short but truly
patriarchal address to his citizens, wherein he recommended them to
comport like loyal and peaceable subjects--to go to church
regularly on Sundays, and to mind their business all the week
besides. That the women should be dutiful and affectionate to their
husbands,--looking after nobody's concerns but their
own,--eschewing all gossipings and morning gaddings,--and carrying
short tongues and long petticoats. That the men should abstain from
intermeddling in public concerns, intrusting the cares of
government to the officers appointed to support them,--staying at
home, like good citizens, making money for themselves, and getting
children for the benefit of their country. That the burgomasters
should look well to the public interest,--not oppressing the poor
nor indulging the rich,--not tasking their ingenuity to devise new
laws, but faithfully enforcing those which were already
made,--rather bending their attention to prevent evil than to
punish it; ever recollecting that civil magistrates should consider
themselves more as guardians of public morals than rat-catchers
employed to entrap public delinquents. Finally, he exhorted them,
one and all, high and low, rich and poor, to conduct themselves _as
well as they could_, assuring them that if they faithfully and
conscientiously complied with this golden rule, there was no danger
but that they would all conduct themselves well enough. This done,
he gave them a paternal benediction, the sturdy Antony sounded a
most loving farewell with his trumpet, the jolly crews put up a
shout of triumph, and the invincible armada swept off proudly down
the bay."
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