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Page 46
The dean also got up, and shook hands on wishing him good-bye. He gave
his young friend his best wishes for his undertaking, and hoped he would
bear in mind that he, as dean, was always ready to assist him in every
way, if he should at any time feel the need of his services.
"You will bear this in mind, my young friend, will you not?" said the
old dean, with a fatherly look.
Johnsen muttered something about thanks as he hurried out of the room.
He was no longer in the frame of mind in which he had been during the
last few weeks. The peaceful, genial air of the dean's study, with its
well-filled bookshelves, had had a wonderful effect upon him, as had
also the dean, with his manner, which was at the same time so mild and
so earnest. The mind of the young clergyman seemed, as it were, softened
by an influence which he did not clearly understand, and the power of
which he was not willing to recognize.
After a long walk, Johnsen at length arrived in the large field which
lay beyond Sandsgaard. From this position he could look down into the
garden and premises near the house. He could follow with his eye the
broad path where Rachel and he had so often walked together, and their
conversation seemed to come before him with the greatest distinctness.
For a long time he stood there gazing, until he felt strong again in his
resolve. What would he not have given to have seen her, if only for a
moment! But he felt he could not approach the house. He would not allow
any other feeling to mingle with the holy determination with which his
thoughts were filled, and with an heroic effort he turned away, and bent
his steps towards the town. His mind had now regained its former tone.
The church was filled to overflowing that Sunday on which Mr. Johnsen
was to preach his first sermon. There are always plenty of people who
are glad of the opportunity of hearing a new preacher, and this number
was increased by the interest which was felt in the earnest young man
who had attracted so much attention.
Mrs. Garman sat with her daughter in the family seat, in which were also
Fanny and Madeleine. Dean Sparre, with his wife and daughter Barbara,
were in the front row of the pew which belonged to them; while behind
were Pastor Martens with the other Miss Sparres; and behind, again, Mrs.
Rasmussen, the chaplain's housekeeper.
The congregation was so large that the voices swelled as when the
Christmas hymn is sung, and as the preacher wended his way towards the
pulpit, the heads of all the singers were turned as if to follow him.
As Johnsen ascended the narrow winding stair where no eye could see him,
he felt a momentary weakness, as if he must almost sink under his
burden, and he never afterwards clearly remembered how he had managed to
get up the last few steps which led to the pulpit; but when he at length
reached his place, and the hundred eyes were again fixed on him, he
forced himself, with that energy which was peculiar to him, to conquer
his feelings. He looked so calm that many people averred that they had
never seen a young clergyman more at home in the pulpit.
Johnsen had sharp eyes, and could recognize many of the faces below him;
but he was conscious of Rachel's presence, as she sat opposite to him in
the Garmans' pew, more by an instinctive feeling than because he
actually saw her. He was, in fact, obliged to avert his eyes from her
direction, lest the sight should unman him. The part of the church in
which the women sat was immediately under him, just below the pulpit,
while the private pews were in a kind of gallery opposite. As the
congregation sang the last verse of the psalm, he gazed deliberately
over all the upturned eyes. Some were piercing, some curious, some pious
and devotional, while some appeared as deep and unfathomable as if he
were looking into unknown depths.
After an introductory prayer, he read his text in a clear and composed
voice, after which he began a short and clear explanation of the
passage. It was only in the last part of the sermon that he really
intended to go into more personal matters, and the nearer he approached
them the less confidence he seemed to feel. When he had begun his
sermon, he had fixed his eyes on a certain point, which he sought every
time he lifted his eyes from his notes; and this point, although he had
not remarked it at first, was Dean Sparre's head. The snowy hair and the
white collar stood out in the sharpest contrast against the dark
background, and the more the speaker gazed at this noble face, the more
he seemed to dread the conclusion. He was already close upon the point
where he was first to begin to speak about sincerity, and the necessity
of a perfectly truthful existence, and although he could not exactly
tell the reason, he could not but feel that the stirring discourse he
had set himself to deliver, was but little in keeping with that bright
and peaceful smile, and with that commanding countenance so full of
earnestness and harmony.
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