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Page 1
Lives of great men all remind us
Life is really not worth while
If we cannot leave behind us
Some excuses for a smile!
* * * * *
_To_
MY AUTOMOBILE.
Which when I read it some
Of these Brain-throbs
Jumped over the fence, climbed a
Telegraph pole, burst its
Cylinder head, exploded all its
Tires
And then turned around and
Barked at me.
* * * * *
ABBREVIATIONS USED IN THIS WORK
A.b. At the bat.
B.i. Butt in.
C.o. Catch on.
D.t.l. Down the line.
E.s. Easy street.
I.t.n. In the neck.
I.u.t.y. It's up to you.
I.f.M. I'm from Missouri.
M.m.t.s. Make mine the same.
N.g. Nice gentleman.
O.t.l. On the level.
P.d.q. Pass the butter.
T.l. The limit.
* * * * *
PREFACE.
Some eighteen months ago I took this brilliant bunch of brain burrs to
my esteemed Publisher and with much enthusiasm invited him to spend a
lot of money thereon.
The Main Stem in the Works informed me that he had his fingers on the
public pulse and just as soon as that pulse began to jump and yell for
something from my fiery pen he would throw the _Silly Syclopedia_
at it.
Then he placed my MS. in the forward turret of his steel-armored safe,
gave me a fairly good cigar and began to look hard in the direction of
the elevator.
Last week, while searching for some missing government bonds, my
Publisher found my sadly neglected MS. He at once reached over and
grabbed the public pulse. To his astonishment it was jumping and making
signs in my direction.
In a frenzied effort to make up for lost time my publisher then yelled
feverishly for a printer.
Enclosed please find the result.
In the meantime, however, I figure that I have lost $41,894.03 in
royalties, $74 worth of glory and about 14 cents worth of fame--tough,
isn't it?
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