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Page 6
Other differences which should find mention under this heading are those
that arise when the environment is changed by immigration. The man who
precedes his wife by many years in coming to America has often outgrown
her when she finally joins him, even if he has formed no other family
ties. The handicap is not wholly overcome when the couple come to this
country together, for the much greater opportunities of the man to
learn American ways may drive a wedge between him and his wife. On the
other hand it is a popular saying, particularly among young Italian
immigrants, that girls who have been in America too long do not make
good wives, that when a man wants to marry he had better send for a girl
from the old country; and these marriages seem on the whole to turn out
well.
4. Wrong Basis of Marriage.--Included here should be hasty marriages,
mercenary marriages, marriages entered into unwillingly after pregnancy
had occurred, as well as marriages where coercion was a factor for other
reasons.[10]
When there have been sex relations before marriage, unless the custom of
the community sanctions such intimacy, there are likely to develop
jealousies, quarrels, and ill feeling. "He do be always castin' it up at
me, but sure, 'twas himself was to blame" is one version of the age-old
story.
There should also be included here those irregular unions called
"common law marriages," which are still permitted in many of our states.
The protection supposed to be afforded to the woman by this institution
is mainly fictitious, as it is practically impossible to secure
conviction for bigamy if one of the marriages was of the common law
variety. A common law husband who deserts, even if he admits his wife's
legal claim upon him, does not feel morally bound; and this fact
undoubtedly plays its part in the causation of such desertions.[11]
5. Lack of Education.--More is included under this title than scanty
"book-learning." Not only the morally undisciplined child but the
mentally undisciplined youth is handicapped as spouse and parent.
Ignorance of the physical and spiritual bases of married life is a
potent cause of desertion. So also is a limited industrial equipment.
Irregular school attendance, early "working papers," a dead-end job with
no educational possibilities in it--these form a frequent background
for later unsuccess in life and in marriage.
There seemed at first no good explanation for the desertion of
Alfred West. Both his record and his wife's were good, and their
mutual fondness for the children seemed a strong bond. They
constantly bickered, however, over the small income Alfred was able
to earn, and his wife and her relatives "looked down" upon him as
being lower than they in the social scale. Inquiry into past history
showed that he had grown up in a southern community where there were
no facilities for education, and that he could not even read and
write until after his marriage. Although of average capacity, he was
restricted by his early lack of training in his choice of a job; and
the mortification and sense of inferiority which his wife fostered
led to discouragement and indifference, which ended in desertion. A
thorough understanding of the two backgrounds involved enabled a
social worker to effect a real reconciliation, with the woman's eyes
opened to her ungenerous behavior and the man taking steps to
improve his education in a night school.
6. Occupational Faults.--Closely allied to the foregoing, and in some
respects growing out of it, are the shortcomings on the employment side
that contribute to marital instability. Most of these can be referred
back to lack of education or opportunity in youth, or to defects of
character. Laziness, incompetence, lack of skill in any trade, lack of
application, or, on the other hand, the possession by a man with no
business "stake" in the community of a trade at which he can work
wherever he takes a fancy to go, or of a trade which is seasonal and
shifting--all these have a direct relation to desertion.
The wife's competence and willingness to earn often seems to have a
causal connection with the man's failure as "provider."[12]
Corresponding to and complementing the man's industrial defects, and
springing from the same causes, is the woman's failure in the business
of being a housewife. The wife's laziness, incompetence, lack of
interest, and lack of skill and knowledge create, as one case worker
puts it, "the sort of home that tends to get itself deserted." These
faults of the wife are responsible for as many desertions, probably, as
are the faults of the husband. When the man and the wife are both
industrial failures we get the extremity of family breakdown to be found
in records of "chronic non-support" cases.
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