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Page 32
Sometimes the difficulty is not to deter the wife from prematurely
taking her husband back but to induce her to relent when the proper time
comes.
Martin Long was intemperate, his wife was high-tempered; her
relatives advised her to leave him and he deserted, leaving the
relatives to provide for her and the three children. He was away two
years; then, becoming homesick and wanting to re-establish his home
if possible, he returned. The wife caused his arrest when he was
seeking an interview with her. The probation officer in whose care
he was released became convinced of his genuine sincerity and
regret, but the wife, still on the advice of her relatives, refused
to see him. He persisted in his hope of a reconciliation and made
extraordinary efforts during a winter of industrial depression,
putting his pride in his pocket and taking laborer's work, which he
had never done before. He finally got a good position and saved
money enough to begin housekeeping. The probation officer kept in
touch with the wife, first persuading her to receive a letter from
Mr. Long and answer it through the probation office. He interested
her in the details of her husband's struggle, and finally, after a
whole year of probation and with the help of her pastor, he induced
her to return. The probation officer kept in close touch with the
family for some months and reports: "Three years have elapsed since
that time; the family is now in a nearby city where they are living
harmoniously and in comfortable circumstances."
A case worker who is remarkable for her success in the treatment of
estranged couples, when asked how she did it answered laconically,
"talks and talks and talks." A study of her case records, however, shows
certain points that recur again and again in her treatment.
She encourages man and wife, separately, to talk out their grievances
thoroughly and get everything out of their systems. She then proceeds
(with a lavish expenditure of time, as indicated in her phrase) to
convince each that she is a friend, but an impartial friend. She does
not push for an immediate reconciliation, is much more likely to
recommend a temporary separation until tempers cool down and the true
facts appear. She always advises strongly against "argument" and
"casting up" the past, and tells the couple to come back to her if they
want to discuss their grievances further. Above all, they are not to
retail their troubles to relatives and friends. If either or both are
out of the city during their separation she keeps in close touch with
them by letter. She is quick to utilize their interest in their children
as a means of reawakening their interest in each other. The following
letters illustrate her method. The first was written to a young man who
was serving a six months' sentence for desertion; the others to the same
young man after he had begun a manful struggle to "come back," working
in a munitions plant in another state and later sending money regularly
to the wife, who still obdurately refused to forgive him. (The letters
are part of a series of 27 which were written to him during a ten
months' period.)
_My dear Mr. Andrews:_
I was ever so glad to get your letter this week and I am sorry that
no one has been over [to the workhouse] to see you recently. I will
surely be over within the next two weeks. I know you are anxious and
you should have had a letter telling you about the children. They
are both all right now and the baby is out of the hospital.
We have had a nice talk with your aunt and she is very anxious to
come over and see you. We will all get together and try and plan
what is the right thing to do when you come out. I will arrange it
so we can have a little longer talk this time if possible.
Very truly yours,
DISTRICT SECRETARY.
_My dear Mr. Andrews:_
Your long letter has just arrived. I read it with a great deal of
interest and pleasure. It is fine to know you have already arrived
and have started out to make good on your promises.
I got your cards during the week, which brought the news of your
journey. Also on Tuesday morning came your last letter, expressing
your appreciation for all we had tried to do for you and enclosing
two more thrift stamps for the children. I put these in their books.
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