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Page 31
It should be said that many of these families were probably under the
supervision of a probation officer for a longer or shorter period after
the reconciliation took place. There is no statement as to the number of
repeated deserters among the men, and we cannot estimate how many of the
605 fell within the group which might chance to have the proper basis
for reconciliation.
The practice of the Desertion Bureau maintained by the New York
Association for Improving the Condition of the Poor is as a rule not to
advise reconciliations without a definite preliminary period during
which the man shall contribute regularly and show that he means
business. "The kind of reconciliation that lasts is the one that is
effected with some difficulty to the man," its secretary remarked. The
same probation department which furnished the stories of hasty and
unsuccessful reconciliations,[38] contributes this remarkable account of
the restoration of a family through slow and careful character
rebuilding:
George Latham had shamefully neglected his wife and children for
several years. He drank to excess, gambled considerably, and
associated with women of loose character. He came from good stock,
however, and his early training had been excellent. The differences
between man and wife seemed impossible to adjust. After the man's
release on probation, the co-operation of relatives was secured and
through the aid of his new found employer efforts were made toward a
reconciliation. The man was gradually led away from his old harmful
pursuits and tendencies, these being replaced by wholesome
activities. He was induced to join a fraternal organization, to take
out insurance for his wife and child, was encouraged to attend
church regularly, and to open a bank account. When his sincerity was
appreciated by the wife, she agreed to resume housekeeping. Under
the direction of the probation officer, new furniture was purchased
and the home re-established. This man today holds a responsible
position under the employer who aided in his rehabilitation, and
occupies a respected place in the community.
Very many processes are indicated in such a story. To bring about the
conviction of wrong-doing, to awaken desire and supply an incentive, to
keep the hope of attainment alive, to encourage weakened nerves in a new
and persistent effort, and all the while to build and strengthen and
develop faculties and powers that had been dormant and well-nigh
destroyed, is a task that demands a high order of skill and
resourcefulness.
The story just told emphasizes the work which was done with the husband.
Equally careful work had undoubtedly to be done with the wife to carry
her along with the plan. The period of "stay-away probation" for the man
is a difficult time for the woman. Neighbors and friends know that he is
taking steps in the direction of reformation, and often hold the
attitude that it is her duty to let bygones be bygones and receive him
again. The promptings of her own heart are often in the same direction;
and affection not outlived combines with custom, religious precept, and
economic pressure to make it almost impossible to hold to her decision.
The social worker can sometimes slip some of the burden of the decision
off the woman's shoulders to her own by exacting a promise from the two
that they will not try living together until the man has "shown what he
can do" for a certain definite time. The economic pressure can be eased
by a wise policy of relief; but most of all such a woman needs continued
encouragement from a person whose judgment and kindliness she has
learned to trust. This is another good point at which to introduce the
right kind of volunteer visitor, one who will already have established
friendly relations with both when the time of readjustment comes, and
who can help bridge over that difficult period. In some cases it might
be possible and desirable to procure as volunteer visitors to a couple
whose marital relations have come to shipwreck, another married couple
who have learned how to live together successfully.
The use of carefully chosen volunteers in effecting reconciliations by
the case work method has been singularly little developed. In this
respect modern theory and practice have both fallen behind.[39]
Especially is it an opportunity to enlist the service of men, whom it is
easy to interest in a problem that seems to focus about the man of the
family. A man volunteer can search for a deserter in places where a
woman, by being conspicuous, would defeat her own end. "Located man by
mingling with longshoremen on the docks where he usually worked" could
hardly be the entry of a woman visitor. A man can also be very useful in
court cases, to counteract the prejudice that sometimes exists in court
rooms against the testimony of social workers who are women. In the more
subtle processes of winning the man's confidence and helping him to
regenerate his life and recover his home there is no preponderance of
testimony in favor of the man visitor. Sex lines vanish here; the good
case worker, man or woman, volunteer or professional, is the person
needed.
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