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Page 20
When you put this letter in the hands of the Judge, I will have
found in death the peace that I could never find on earth. There
was no chance of happiness for me since I have realised that I love
you, that you love me, and that I must give you up if I am to remain
what I have always been--in spite of everything--a man of honour.
Albert Graumann would keep his word, this I know. Wherever you
might follow me as my wife, there his will would have been before
us, blasting my reputation, blackening the flame which you were to
bear.
I could not have endured it. My soul was sick of all this secrecy,
sick at the injustice of mankind. In spite of worldly success, my
life was cold and barren in the strange land to which I had fled.
My home called to me and I came back to it.
I kissed the earth of my own country, and I wept at my mother's
grave. I was happy again under the skies which had domed above my
childhood. For I am an honest man, beloved, and I always have been.
One day I sat at table beside the man--the Judge who condemned me,
here in G-- in those terrible days. He naturally did not know me
again. I, myself, brought the conversation around to a professional
subject. I asked him if it were not possible that circumstantial
evidence could lie; if the entire past, the reputation of the
accused would not be a factor in his favour. The Judge denied it.
It was his opinion, beyond a doubt, that circumstantial evidence was
sufficient to convict anyone.
My soul rose within me. This infallibility, this legal arrogance,
aroused my blood. "That man should have a lesson!" I said to
myself.
But I had forgotten it all--all my anger, all my hatred and
bitterness, when I met you. I dare not trust myself to think of
you too much, now that everything is arranged for the one last
step. It takes all my control to keep my decision unwavering while
I sit here and tell you how much your love, your great tenderness,
your sweet trust in me, meant to me.
Let me talk rather of Albert Graumann. I will forgive him for
believing in my guilt, but I cannot forgive him that he, the man
of cultivation and mental grasp, could not believe it possible for
a convicted thief to have repented and to have lived an honest life
after the atonement of his crime. I still cannot believe that this
was Graumann's opinion. I am forced to think that it was an excuse
only on his part, an excuse to keep us apart, an excuse to keep you
for himself.
You are lost to me now. There is nothing more in life for me. If
the injustice of mankind has stained my honour beyond repair, has
robbed me of every chance of happiness at any time and in any place,
then I die easily, beloved, for there is little charm in such a
life as would be mine after this.
But I do not wish to die quite in vain. There are two men who have
touched my life, who need the lesson my death can teach them. These
men are Albert Graumann and the prosecuting attorney Gustav Schmidt,
the man who once condemned me so cruelly. His present position
would make him the representative of the state in a murder trial,
and I know his opinions too well not to foresee that he would declare
Graumann guilty because of the circumstantial evidence which will be
against him. My letter, given to the Presiding Judge after the
Attorney has made his speech, will cause him humiliation, will ruin
his brilliant arguments and cast ridicule upon him.
Do not think me hard or revengeful. I do not hate anyone now that
death is so near. But is it inhuman that I should want to teach
these two men a lesson? a lesson which they need, believe me, and
it is such a slight compensation for the torture these last eight
years have been to me!
And now I will explain in detail all the circumstances. I have
arranged that Albert Graumann shall come to me on the evening of
September 23rd between 7 and 8 o'clock. I asked him to do so by
letter, asking him also to keep the fact of his visit to me a secret.
To-night, the 22nd of September, I received his answer promising
that he would come. Therefore I can look upon everything that is
to happen, as having already happened, for now there need be no
further change in my plans. I will send this letter this evening
to my friend Pernburg in Frankfurt am Main. In case anything should
happen that would render impossible for me to carry out my plans,
I will send Pernburg another letter asking him not to carry out
the instructions of the first.
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