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Page 93
"His altogether insufficient substitute," answered this person, with
difficulty mastering his great rage, "may and shall offer words of
explanation to the inspired Kin Yen, setting forth the reason of his
pictures being used, not with the high-minded story of the elegant
Tong-king for which they were executed, but accompanying exceedingly
base, foolish, and ungrammatical words written by Klan-hi, the Peking
remover of gravity--words which will evermore brand the dew-like Tien
as a person of light speech and no refinement"; and in his agony this
person struck the lacquered table several times with his elegant
knife.
"O Kin Yen," exclaimed the lesser one, "this matter rests not here. It
is a thing beyond the sphere of the individual who is addressing you.
All he can tell is that the graceful Tong-king withdrew his
exceedingly tedious story for some reason at the final moment, and as
your eminent drawings had been paid for, my chief of the inner office
decided to use them with this story of Klan-hi. But surely it cannot
be that there is aught in the story to displease your illustrious
personality?"
"Judge for yourself," this person said, "first understanding that the
two immaculate characters figuring as the personages of the narrative
are exact copies of this dishonoured person himself and of the willowy
Tien, daughter of the vastly rich Pe-li-Chen, whom he was hopeful of
marrying."
Selecting one of the least offensive of the passages in the work, this
unhappy person read the following immature and inelegant words:
"This well-satisfied writer of printed leaves had a
highly-distinguished time last night. After Chow had departed to see
about food, and the junk had been fastened up at the lock of Kilung,
on the Yang-tse-Kiang, he and the round-bodied Shang were journeying
along the narrow path by the river-side when the right leg of the
graceful and popular person who is narrating these events disappeared
into the river. Suffering no apprehension in the dark, but that the
vanishing limb was the left leg of Shang, this intelligent writer
allowed his impassiveness to melt away to an exaggerated degree; but
at that moment the circumstance became plain to the round-bodied
Shang, who was in consequence very grossly amused at the mishap and
misapprehension of your good lord, the writer, at the same time
pointing out the matter as it really was. Then it chanced that there
came by one of the maidens who carry tea and jest for small sums of
money to the sitters at the little tables with round white tops, at
which this remarkable person, the confidant of many mandarins, ever
desirous of displaying his priceless power of removing gravity, said
to her:
"'How much of gladness, Ning-Ning? By the Sacred Serpent this is
plainly your night out.'
"Perceiving the true facts of the predicament of this commendable
writer, she replied:
"'Suffer not your illustrious pigtail to be removed, venerable Wang;
for in this maiden's estimation it is indeed your night in.'
"There are times when this valued person wonders whether his method of
removing gravity be in reality very antique or quite new. On such
occasions the world, with all its schools, and those who interfere in
the concerns of others, continues to revolve around him. The wondrous
sky-lanterns come out silently two by two like to the crystallized
music of stringed woods. Then, in the mystery of no-noise, his head
becomes greatly enlarged with celestial and highly-profound thoughts;
his groping hand seems to touch matter which may be written out in his
impressive style and sold to those who print leaves, and he goes home
to write out such."
When this person looked up after reading, with tears of shame in his
eyes, he perceived that the lesser one had cautiously disappeared.
Therefore, being unable to gain admittance to the inner office, he
returned to his home.
Here the remark of the omniscient Tai Loo again fixes itself upon the
attention. No sooner had this incapable person reached his house than
he became aware that a parcel had arrived for him from the still
adorable Tien. Retiring to a distance from it, he opened the
accompanying letter and read:
"When a virtuous maiden has been made the victim of a heartless jest
or a piece of coarse stupidity at a person's hands, it is no uncommon
thing for him to be struck blind on meeting her father. Therefore, if
the degraded and evil-minded Kin Yen values his eyes, ears, nose,
pigtail, even his dishonourable breath, let him hide himself behind a
fortified wall at Pe-li-Chen's approach.
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