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Page 84
RELIGION, n. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the
nature of the Unknowable.
"What is your religion my son?" inquired the Archbishop of Rheims.
"Pardon, monseigneur," replied Rochebriant; "I am ashamed of it."
"Then why do you not become an atheist?"
"Impossible! I should be ashamed of atheism."
"In that case, monsieur, you should join the Protestants."
RELIQUARY, n. A receptacle for such sacred objects as pieces of the
true cross, short-ribs of the saints, the ears of Balaam's ass, the
lung of the cock that called Peter to repentance and so forth.
Reliquaries are commonly of metal, and provided with a lock to prevent
the contents from coming out and performing miracles at unseasonable
times. A feather from the wing of the Angel of the Annunciation once
escaped during a sermon in Saint Peter's and so tickled the noses of
the congregation that they woke and sneezed with great vehemence three
times each. It is related in the "Gesta Sanctorum" that a sacristan
in the Canterbury cathedral surprised the head of Saint Dennis in the
library. Reprimanded by its stern custodian, it explained that it was
seeking a body of doctrine. This unseemly levity so raged the
diocesan that the offender was publicly anathematized, thrown into the
Stour and replaced by another head of Saint Dennis, brought from Rome.
RENOWN, n. A degree of distinction between notoriety and fame -- a
little more supportable than the one and a little more intolerable
than the other. Sometimes it is conferred by an unfriendly and
inconsiderate hand.
I touched the harp in every key,
But found no heeding ear;
And then Ithuriel touched me
With a revealing spear.
Not all my genius, great as 'tis,
Could urge me out of night.
I felt the faint appulse of his,
And leapt into the light!
W.J. Candleton
REPARATION, n. Satisfaction that is made for a wrong and deducted
from the satisfaction felt in committing it.
REPARTEE, n. Prudent insult in retort. Practiced by gentlemen with a
constitutional aversion to violence, but a strong disposition to
offend. In a war of words, the tactics of the North American Indian.
REPENTANCE, n. The faithful attendant and follower of Punishment. It
is usually manifest in a degree of reformation that is not
inconsistent with continuity of sin.
Desirous to avoid the pains of Hell,
You will repent and join the Church, Parnell?
How needless! -- Nick will keep you off the coals
And add you to the woes of other souls.
Jomater Abemy
REPLICA, n. A reproduction of a work of art, by the artist that made
the original. It is so called to distinguish it from a "copy," which
is made by another artist. When the two are mae with equal skill the
replica is the more valuable, for it is supposed to be more beautiful
than it looks.
REPORTER, n. A writer who guesses his way to the truth and dispels it
with a tempest of words.
"More dear than all my bosom knows, O thou
Whose 'lips are sealed' and will not disavow!"
So sang the blithe reporter-man as grew
Beneath his hand the leg-long "interview."
Barson Maith
REPOSE, v.i. To cease from troubling.
REPRESENTATIVE, n. In national politics, a member of the Lower House
in this world, and without discernible hope of promotion in the next.
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