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Page 6
ACADEMY, n. [from ACADEME] A modern school where football is
taught.
ACCIDENT, n. An inevitable occurrence due to the action of immutable
natural laws.
ACCOMPLICE, n. One associated with another in a crime, having guilty
knowledge and complicity, as an attorney who defends a criminal,
knowing him guilty. This view of the attorney's position in the
matter has not hitherto commanded the assent of attorneys, no one
having offered them a fee for assenting.
ACCORD, n. Harmony.
ACCORDION, n. An instrument in harmony with the sentiments of an
assassin.
ACCOUNTABILITY, n. The mother of caution.
"My accountability, bear in mind,"
Said the Grand Vizier: "Yes, yes,"
Said the Shah: "I do -- 'tis the only kind
Of ability you possess."
Joram Tate
ACCUSE, v.t. To affirm another's guilt or unworth; most commonly as a
justification of ourselves for having wronged him.
ACEPHALOUS, adj. In the surprising condition of the Crusader who
absently pulled at his forelock some hours after a Saracen scimitar
had, unconsciously to him, passed through his neck, as related by de
Joinville.
ACHIEVEMENT, n. The death of endeavor and the birth of disgust.
ACKNOWLEDGE, v.t. To confess. Acknowledgement of one another's
faults is the highest duty imposed by our love of truth.
ACQUAINTANCE, n. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from,
but not well enough to lend to. A degree of friendship called slight
when its object is poor or obscure, and intimate when he is rich or
famous.
ACTUALLY, adv. Perhaps; possibly.
ADAGE, n. Boned wisdom for weak teeth.
ADAMANT, n. A mineral frequently found beneath a corset. Soluble in
solicitate of gold.
ADDER, n. A species of snake. So called from its habit of adding
funeral outlays to the other expenses of living.
ADHERENT, n. A follower who has not yet obtained all that he expects
to get.
ADMINISTRATION, n. An ingenious abstraction in politics, designed to
receive the kicks and cuffs due to the premier or president. A man of
straw, proof against bad-egging and dead-catting.
ADMIRAL, n. That part of a war-ship which does the talking while the
figure-head does the thinking.
ADMIRATION, n. Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to
ourselves.
ADMONITION, n. Gentle reproof, as with a meat-axe. Friendly warning.
Consigned by way of admonition,
His soul forever to perdition.
Judibras
ADORE, v.t. To venerate expectantly.
ADVICE, n. The smallest current coin.
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