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Page 73
ORDINARY. Ay, all this is very true; but life is sweet for all
that; and I had rather live to eternity than go into the company
of any such heathens, who are, I doubt not, in hell with the devil
and his angels; and, as little as you seem to apprehend it, you
may find yourself there before you expect it. Where, then, will be
your tauntings and your vauntings, your boastings and your
braggings? You will then be ready to give more for a drop of water
than you ever gave for a bottle of wine.
JONATHAN. Faith, doctor! well minded. What say you to a bottle of
wine?
ORDINARY. I will drink no wine with an atheist. I should expect
the devil to make a third in such company, for, since he knows you
are his, he may be impatient to have his due.
JONATHAN. It is your business to drink with the wicked, in order
to amend them.
ORDINARY. I despair of it; and so I consign you over to the devil,
who is ready to receive you.
JONATHAN. You are more unmerciful to me than the judge, doctor. He
recommended my soul to heaven; and it is your office to shew me
the way thither.
ORDINARY. No: the gates are barred against all revilers of the
clergy.
JONATHAN. I revile only the wicked ones, if any such are, which
cannot affect you, who, if men were preferred in the church by
merit only, would have long since been a bishop. Indeed, it might
raise any good man's indignation to observe one of your vast
learning and abilities obliged to exert them in so low a sphere,
when so many of your inferiors wallow in wealth and preferment.
ORDINARY. Why, it must be confessed that there are bad men in all
orders; but you should not censure too generally. I must own I
might have expected higher promotion; but I have learnt patience
and resignation; and I would advise you to the same temper of
mind; which if you can attain, I know you will find mercy. Nay, I
do now promise you you will. It is true you are a sinner; but your
crimes are not of the blackest dye: you are no murderer, nor
guilty of sacrilege. And, if you are guilty of theft, you make
some atonement by suffering for it, which many others do not.
Happy is it indeed for those few who are detected in their sins,
and brought to exemplary punishment for them in this world. So
far, therefore, from repining at your fate when you come to the
tree, you should exult and rejoice in it; and, to say the truth, I
question whether, to a wise man, the catastrophe of many of those
who die by a halter is not more to be envied than pitied. Nothing
is so sinful as sin, and murder is the greatest of all sins. It
follows, that whoever commits murder is happy in suffering for it.
If, therefore, a man who commits murder is so happy in dying for
it, how much better must it be for you, who have committed a less
crime!
JONATHAN. All this is very true; but let us take a bottle of wine
to cheer our spirits.
ORDINARY. Why wine? Let me tell you, Mr. Wild, there is nothing so
deceitful as the spirits given us by wine. If you must drink, let
us have a bowl of punch--a liquor I the rather prefer, as it is
nowhere spoken against in Scripture, and as it is more wholesome
for the gravel, a distemper with which I am grievously afflicted.
JONATHAN (having called for a bowl). I ask your pardon, doctor; I
should have remembered that punch was your favourite liquor. I
think you never taste wine while there is any punch remaining on
the table.
ORDINARY. I confess I look on punch to be the more eligible
liquor, as well for the reasons I before mentioned as likewise for
one other cause, viz., it is the properest for a DRAUGHT. I own I
took it a little unkind of you to mention wine, thinking you knew
my palate.
JONATHAN. You are in the right; and I will take a swinging cup to
your being made a bishop.
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