|
Main
- books.jibble.org
My Books
- IRC Hacks
Misc. Articles
- Meaning of Jibble
- M4 Su Doku
- Computer Scrapbooking
- Setting up Java
- Bootable Java
- Cookies in Java
- Dynamic Graphs
- Social Shakespeare
External Links
- Paul Mutton
- Jibble Photo Gallery
- Jibble Forums
- Google Landmarks
- Jibble Shop
- Free Books
- Intershot Ltd
|
books.jibble.org
Previous Page
| Next Page
Page 48
"One only little blossom of earth will he gather, bear it upon his
heart, in order henceforth not so lonesomely, not so entirely
lonesome, to wander down to rest."
It was my own condition which I described. I deplored myself.
Early deprived of my parents, without brothers and sisters,
friends, and relations, I stood in the world yet so solitary and
forlorn, that but for an inward confidence in heaven, and a
naturally happy temper, I should often enough have wished to leave
this contemptuous world; till now, however, I had almost
constantly hoped from the future, and this more from an
instinctive feeling that this might be the best, than to subdue by
philosophy every too vivid wish for an agreeable present time,
because it was altogether so opposed to possibility. For some
time, however, alas! it had been otherwise with me; I felt, and
especially this evening, more than ever an inexpressible desire to
have somebody to love,--to have some one about me who would cleave
to me--who would be a friend to me;--in short, to have (for me the
highest felicity on earth) a wife--a beloved, devoted wife! Oh,
she would comfort me, she would cheer me! her affection, even in
the poorest hut, would make of me a king. That the love-fire of my
heart would not insure the faithful being at my side from being
frozen was soon made clearly sensible to me by an involuntary
shudder. More dejected than ever, I rose up and walked a few times
about my room (that is to say, two steps right forward, and then
turn back again). The sense of my condition followed me like the
shadow on the wall, and for the first time in my life I felt
myself cast down, and threw a gloomy look on my dark future. I had
no patron, therefore could not reckon upon promotion for a long
time; consequently, also, not upon my own bread--on a friend--a
wife, I mean.
"But what in all the world," said I yet once more seriously to
myself, "what helps beating one's brains?" Yet once more I tried
to get rid of all anxious thoughts. "If, however, a Christian soul
could only come to me this evening! Let it be whoever it would--
friend or foe--it would be better than this solitude. Yes, even if
an inhabitant of the world of spirits opened the door, he would be
welcome to me! What was that? Three blows on the door! I will not,
however, believe it--again three!" I went and opened; there was
nobody there; only the wind went howling up and down the stairs. I
hastily shut the door again, thrust my hands into my pockets, and
went up and down for a while, humming aloud. Some moments
afterwards I fancied I heard a sigh--I was silent, and listened,--
again there was very evidently a sigh--and yet once again, so deep
and so mournful, that I exclaimed with secret terror, "Who is
there?" No answer.
For a moment I stood still, and considered what this really could
mean, when a horrible noise, as if cats were sent with yells
lumbering down the whole flight of stairs, and ended with a mighty
blow against my door, put an end to my indecision. I took up the
candle, and a stick, and went out. At the moment when I opened the
door my light was blown out. A gigantic white figure glimmered
opposite to me, and I felt myself suddenly embraced by two strong
arms. I cried for help, and struggled so actively to get loose
that both myself and my adversary fell to the ground, but so that
I lay uppermost. Like an arrow I sprang again upright, and was
about to fetch a light, when I stumbled over something--Heaven
knows what it was (I firmly believe that somebody held me fast by
the feet), by which I fell a second time, struck my head on the
corner of the table, and lost my consciousness, whilst a
suspicions noise, which had great resemblance to laughter,
rang in my ears.
When I again opened my eyes, they met a dazzling blaze of light. I
closed them again, and listened to a confused noise around me--
opened them again a very little, and endeavoured to distinguish
the objects which surrounded me, which appeared to me so
enigmatical and strange that I almost feared my mind had vanished.
I lay upon a sofa, and--no, I really did not deceive myself,--that
charming girl, who on this evening had so incessantly floated
before my thoughts, stood actually beside me, and with a heavenly
expression of sympathy bathed my head with vinegar. A young man
whose countenance seemed known to me held my hand between his. I
perceived also the fat gentleman, another thin one, the lady, the
children, and in distant twilight I saw the shimmer of the
paradise of the tea-table; in short, I found myself by an
incomprehensible whim of fate amidst the family which an hour
before I had contemplated with such lively sympathy.
Previous Page
| Next Page
|
|