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Page 55
The Mecca, except for the curious aroma which pervades all Meccas, was
deserted. Psmith, moving a box of dominoes on to the next table, sat
down.
'Dominoes,' he said, 'is one of the few manly sports which have never
had great attractions for me. A cousin of mine, who secured his chess
blue at Oxford, would, they tell me, have represented his University in
the dominoes match also, had he not unfortunately dislocated the radius
bone of his bazooka while training for it. Except for him, there has
been little dominoes talent in the Psmith family. Let us merely talk.
What of this slight brass-rag-parting to which I alluded just now? Tell
me all.'
He listened gravely while Mike related the incidents which had led up
to his confession and the results of the same. At the conclusion of the
narrative he sipped his coffee in silence for a moment.
'This habit of taking on to your shoulders the harvest of other
people's bloomers,' he said meditatively, 'is growing upon you, Comrade
Jackson. You must check it. It is like dram-drinking. You begin in a
small way by breaking school rules to extract Comrade Jellicoe (perhaps
the supremest of all the blitherers I have ever met) from a hole. If
you had stopped there, all might have been well. But the thing, once
started, fascinated you. Now you have landed yourself with a splash in
the very centre of the Oxo in order to do a good turn to Comrade
Waller. You must drop it, Comrade Jackson. When you were free and
without ties, it did not so much matter. But now that you are
confidential secretary and adviser to a Shropshire Psmith, the thing
must stop. Your secretarial duties must be paramount. Nothing must be
allowed to interfere with them. Yes. The thing must stop before it goes
too far.'
'It seems to me,' said Mike, 'that it has gone too far. I've got the
sack. I don't know how much farther you want it to go.'
Psmith stirred his coffee before replying.
'True,' he said, 'things look perhaps a shade rocky just now, but all
is not yet lost. You must recollect that Comrade Bickersdyke spoke in
the heat of the moment. That generous temperament was stirred to its
depths. He did not pick his words. But calm will succeed storm, and we
may be able to do something yet. I have some little influence with
Comrade Bickersdyke. Wrongly, perhaps,' added Psmith modestly, 'he
thinks somewhat highly of my judgement. If he sees that I am opposed to
this step, he may possibly reconsider it. What Psmith thinks today, is
his motto, I shall think tomorrow. However, we shall see.'
'I bet we shall!' said Mike ruefully.
'There is, moreover,' continued Psmith, 'another aspect to the affair.
When you were being put through it, in Comrade Bickersdyke's inimitably
breezy manner, Sir John What's-his-name was, I am given to understand,
present. Naturally, to pacify the aggrieved bart., Comrade B. had to
lay it on regardless of expense. In America, as possibly you are aware,
there is a regular post of mistake-clerk, whose duty it is to receive
in the neck anything that happens to be coming along when customers
make complaints. He is hauled into the presence of the foaming
customer, cursed, and sacked. The customer goes away appeased. The
mistake-clerk, if the harangue has been unusually energetic, applies
for a rise of salary. Now, possibly, in your case--'
'In my case,' interrupted Mike, 'there was none of that rot.
Bickersdyke wasn't putting it on. He meant every word. Why, dash it
all, you know yourself he'd be only too glad to sack me, just to get
some of his own back with me.'
Psmith's eyes opened in pained surprise.
'Get some of his own back!' he repeated.
'Are you insinuating, Comrade Jackson, that my relations with Comrade
Bickersdyke are not of the most pleasant and agreeable nature possible?
How do these ideas get about? I yield to nobody in my respect for our
manager. I may have had occasion from time to time to correct him in
some trifling matter, but surely he is not the man to let such a thing
rankle? No! I prefer to think that Comrade Bickersdyke regards me as
his friend and well-wisher, and will lend a courteous ear to any
proposal I see fit to make. I hope shortly to be able to prove this to
you. I will discuss this little affair of the cheque with him at our
ease at the club, and I shall be surprised if we do not come to some
arrangement.'
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