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Page 44
* * * * *
The house where Mr Waller lived was one of a row of semi-detached
villas on the north side of the Common. The door was opened to them by
their host himself. So far from looking battered and emitting last
breaths, he appeared particularly spruce. He had just returned from
Church, and was still wearing his gloves and tall hat. He squeaked with
surprise when he saw who were standing on the mat.
'Why, dear me, dear me,' he said. 'Here you are! I have been wondering
what had happened to you. I was afraid that you might have been
seriously hurt. I was afraid those ruffians might have injured you.
When last I saw you, you were being--'
'Chivvied,' interposed Psmith, with dignified melancholy. 'Do not let
us try to wrap the fact up in pleasant words. We were being chivvied.
We were legging it with the infuriated mob at our heels. An ignominious
position for a Shropshire Psmith, but, after all, Napoleon did the
same.'
'But what happened? I could not see. I only know that quite suddenly
the people seemed to stop listening to me, and all gathered round you
and Jackson. And then I saw that Jackson was engaged in a fight with a
young man.'
'Comrade Jackson, I imagine, having heard a great deal about all men
being equal, was anxious to test the theory, and see whether Comrade
Bill was as good a man as he was. The experiment was broken off
prematurely, but I personally should be inclined to say that Comrade
Jackson had a shade the better of the exchanges.'
Mr Waller looked with interest at Mike, who shuffled and felt awkward.
He was hoping that Psmith would say nothing about the reason of his
engaging Bill in combat. He had an uneasy feeling that Mr Waller's
gratitude would be effusive and overpowering, and he did not wish to
pose as the brave young hero. There are moments when one does not feel
equal to the _role_.
Fortunately, before Mr Waller had time to ask any further questions,
the supper-bell sounded, and they went into the dining-room.
Sunday supper, unless done on a large and informal scale, is probably
the most depressing meal in existence. There is a chill discomfort in
the round of beef, an icy severity about the open jam tart. The
blancmange shivers miserably.
Spirituous liquor helps to counteract the influence of these things,
and so does exhilarating conversation. Unfortunately, at Mr Waller's
table there was neither. The cashier's views on temperance were not
merely for the platform; they extended to the home. And the company was
not of the exhilarating sort. Besides Psmith and Mike and their host,
there were four people present--Comrade Prebble, the orator; a young
man of the name of Richards; Mr Waller's niece, answering to the name
of Ada, who was engaged to Mr Richards; and Edward.
Edward was Mr Waller's son. He was ten years old, wore a very tight
Eton suit, and had the peculiarly loathsome expression which a snub
nose sometimes gives to the young.
It would have been plain to the most casual observer that Mr Waller was
fond and proud of his son. The cashier was a widower, and after five
minutes' acquaintance with Edward, Mike felt strongly that Mrs Waller
was the lucky one. Edward sat next to Mike, and showed a tendency to
concentrate his conversation on him. Psmith, at the opposite end of the
table, beamed in a fatherly manner upon the pair through his eyeglass.
Mike got on with small girls reasonably well. He preferred them at a
distance, but, if cornered by them, could put up a fairly good show.
Small boys, however, filled him with a sort of frozen horror. It was
his view that a boy should not be exhibited publicly until he reached
an age when he might be in the running for some sort of colours at a
public school.
Edward was one of those well-informed small boys. He opened on Mike
with the first mouthful.
'Do you know the principal exports of Marseilles?' he inquired.
'What?' said Mike coldly.
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