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Page 32
'Very well, then. You--'
'And I am never humorous in it. I arrive punctually in the morning,
and I work steadily and earnestly till my labours are completed. I
think you will find, on inquiry, that Mr Rossiter is satisfied with my
work.'
'That is neither here nor--'
'Surely, sir,' said Psmith, 'you are wrong? Surely your jurisdiction
ceases after office hours? Any little misunderstanding we may have at
the close of the day's work cannot affect you officially. You could
not, for instance, dismiss me from the service of the bank if we were
partners at bridge at the club and I happened to revoke.'
'I can dismiss you, let me tell you, Mr Smith, for studied insolence,
whether in the office or not.'
'I bow to superior knowledge,' said Psmith politely, 'but I confess I
doubt it. And,' he added, 'there is another point. May I continue to
some extent?'
'If you have anything to say, say it.'
Psmith flung one leg over the other, and settled his collar.
'It is perhaps a delicate matter,' he said, 'but it is best to be
frank. We should have no secrets. To put my point quite clearly, I must
go back a little, to the time when you paid us that very welcome
week-end visit at our house in August.'
'If you hope to make capital out of the fact that I have been a guest
of your father--'
'Not at all,' said Psmith deprecatingly. 'Not at all. You do not take
me. My point is this. I do not wish to revive painful memories, but it
cannot be denied that there was, here and there, some slight bickering
between us on that occasion. The fault,' said Psmith magnanimously,
'was possibly mine. I may have been too exacting, too capricious.
Perhaps so. However, the fact remains that you conceived the happy
notion of getting me into this bank, under the impression that, once I
was in, you would be able to--if I may use the expression--give me
beans. You said as much to me, if I remember. I hate to say it, but
don't you think that if you give me the sack, although my work is
satisfactory to the head of my department, you will be by way of
admitting that you bit off rather more than you could chew? I merely
make the suggestion.'
Mr Bickersdyke half rose from his chair.
'You--'
'Just so, just so, but--to return to the main point--don't you? The
whole painful affair reminds me of the story of Agesilaus and the
Petulant Pterodactyl, which as you have never heard, I will now proceed
to relate. Agesilaus--'
Mr Bickersdyke made a curious clucking noise in his throat.
'I am boring you,' said Psmith, with ready tact. 'Suffice it to say
that Comrade Agesilaus interfered with the pterodactyl, which was doing
him no harm; and the intelligent creature, whose motto was "Nemo me
impune lacessit", turned and bit him. Bit him good and hard, so that
Agesilaus ever afterwards had a distaste for pterodactyls. His
reluctance to disturb them became quite a byword. The Society papers of
the period frequently commented upon it. Let us draw the parallel.'
Here Mr Bickersdyke, who had been clucking throughout this speech,
essayed to speak; but Psmith hurried on.
'You are Agesilaus,' he said. 'I am the Petulant Pterodactyl. You, if I
may say so, butted in of your own free will, and took me from a happy
home, simply in order that you might get me into this place under you,
and give me beans. But, curiously enough, the major portion of that
vegetable seems to be coming to you. Of course, you can administer the
push if you like; but, as I say, it will be by way of a confession that
your scheme has sprung a leak. Personally,' said Psmith, as one friend
to another, 'I should advise you to stick it out. You never know what
may happen. At any moment I may fall from my present high standard of
industry and excellence; and then you have me, so to speak, where the
hair is crisp.'
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