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Page 22
'A perfect fool. He always was.'
Psmith shook his head sorrowfully, as who should say, 'Exit Bannister.'
'There is no team playing today to touch Manchester United.'
'Precisely what I said to Comrade Bannister.'
'Of course. You know something about it.'
'The study of League football,' said Psmith, 'has been my relaxation
for years.'
'But we have no time to discuss it now.'
'Assuredly not, sir. Work before everything.'
'Some other time, when--'
'--We are less busy. Precisely.'
Psmith moved back to his seat.
'I fear,' he said to Mike, as he resumed work, 'that as far as Comrade
Rossiter's friendship and esteem are concerned, I have to a certain
extent landed Comrade Bannister in the bouillon; but it was in a good
cause. I fancy we have won through. Half an hour's thoughtful perusal
of the "Footballers' Who's Who", just to find out some elementary facts
about Manchester United, and I rather think the friendly Native is
corralled. And now once more to work. Work, the hobby of the hustler
and the deadbeat's dread.'
9. The Haunting of Mr Bickersdyke
Anything in the nature of a rash and hasty move was wholly foreign to
Psmith's tactics. He had the patience which is the chief quality of the
successful general. He was content to secure his base before making any
offensive movement. It was a fortnight before he turned his attention
to the education of Mr Bickersdyke. During that fortnight he conversed
attractively, in the intervals of work, on the subject of League
football in general and Manchester United in particular. The subject is
not hard to master if one sets oneself earnestly to it; and Psmith
spared no pains. The football editions of the evening papers are not
reticent about those who play the game: and Psmith drank in every
detail with the thoroughness of the conscientious student. By the end
of the fortnight he knew what was the favourite breakfast-food of J.
Turnbull; what Sandy Turnbull wore next his skin; and who, in the
opinion of Meredith, was England's leading politician. These facts,
imparted to and discussed with Mr Rossiter, made the progress of the
_entente cordiale_ rapid. It was on the eighth day that Mr
Rossiter consented to lunch with the Old Etonian. On the tenth he
played the host. By the end of the fortnight the flapping of the white
wings of Peace over the Postage Department was setting up a positive
draught. Mike, who had been introduced by Psmith as a distant relative
of Moger, the goalkeeper, was included in the great peace.
'So that now,' said Psmith, reflectively polishing his eye-glass, 'I
think that we may consider ourselves free to attend to Comrade
Bickersdyke. Our bright little Mancunian friend would no more run us in
now than if we were the brothers Turnbull. We are as inside forwards to
him.'
The club to which Psmith and Mr Bickersdyke belonged was celebrated for
the steadfastness of its political views, the excellence of its
cuisine, and the curiously Gorgonzolaesque marble of its main
staircase. It takes all sorts to make a world. It took about four
thousand of all sorts to make the Senior Conservative Club. To be
absolutely accurate, there were three thousand seven hundred and
eighteen members.
To Mr Bickersdyke for the next week it seemed as if there was only one.
There was nothing crude or overdone about Psmith's methods. The
ordinary man, having conceived the idea of haunting a fellow clubman,
might have seized the first opportunity of engaging him in
conversation. Not so Psmith. The first time he met Mr Bickersdyke in
the club was on the stairs after dinner one night. The great man,
having received practical proof of the excellence of cuisine referred
to above, was coming down the main staircase at peace with all men,
when he was aware of a tall young man in the 'faultless evening dress'
of which the female novelist is so fond, who was regarding him with a
fixed stare through an eye-glass. The tall young man, having caught his
eye, smiled faintly, nodded in a friendly but patronizing manner, and
passed on up the staircase to the library. Mr Bickersdyke sped on in
search of a waiter.
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