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Page 50
"Get to what happened this morning--I mean yesterday," said
Beany.
"Well," said Porky, "first thing we knew, the Captain looked
through the periscope, and then he turned around and told the
others something, and, say, they were pleased to death! You see
they wanted to make up their required number of ships torpedoed,
and get back to port. The Captain called me over, and told me
to look, and there you were, way off, but plain. It was not
really light. We submerged right away, and the Captain told me
to fix some coffee. They wanted coffee nineteen times a day or
so. I went over to the little corner where they cooked what few
things they did cook, and then I happened to think of that bottle.
The one with Anesthetique on it. That looked near enough to
Anesthetic to be the same thing; and I wondered what would happen
if I dumped some of it in the coffee. I didn't know what it was;
but there was a chance anyhow for it to work. It might make 'em
sick if nothing else, and I couldn't seem to see them pegging
away at one of our ships with one or two or three of those
torpedoes, even if I had monkeyed with their tail feathers.
"So I tipped the wink to Beany to kind of hold the center of the
stage, and, say, that was funny! Beany braced up to the Captain,
and saluted and said, 'Is it an American ship out there, sir?'
and the Captain said, 'Sure thing, kiddo!' He could talk just
like anybody, you know. Then Beany looked as though he was going
to cry; and he said, 'Can't you make an exception, Capt, let this
one go?' The Captain thought that was a big joke and pretended
to think about it, and finally he said, 'No, I can't see my way
clear to do that; but I'll tell you what we will do. We won't
leave a single boatful to starve. We will destroy every
human-being on the transport and the convoys. I think we will
meet a sister U-boat here this morning, and we will have a real
good time.'
"Beany saw I had dumped the stuff in the coffee pot, and he just
hung his head and walked off, the Captain looking after him and
sneering.
"Gee, I was in a cold chill! I didn't know but the coffee would
taste queer, and then they wouldn't drink it, and would kill us
besides, before we had a chance to report to anybody. And I
didn't dare taste it, for fear it was an instantaneous actor, and
would do for me first. So I just passed the cups, and filled
them up, and trusted to luck. And every man put his down without
a word until it came to the Captain and, he said, 'It was worth
keeping you for a little while. You make real German coffee,
best in the world.' Everybody wanted two cups, and it took all
there was; and the Captain thought that was a scream because
there wasn't any left for Beany and me.
"Well, then, we commenced to wait to see what happened. And
nothing happened. Nothing! The whole shooting match acted
peppy. Beany whispered to me, 'Was it the wrong bottle?' And I
didn't know what to think. I guess we came close enough to fire,
and as soon as the machinery was ready, they swung a torpedo into
the chute right behind that dead sailor, pressed the lever, and
the dead man and the torpedo went shooting out together. Then
they sent out another torpedo; and the Captain, at the periscope,
commenced to talk in German, and the gunner looked and, say, his
eyes bulged! But then something hit us a sort of glancing blow
and we submerged right away. And my word! Just as we got down
there, the Captain turned to the man at the steering gear to
order him to the surface again I guess, and there he was all
doubled over. He was out.
"The Captain took a couple of steps toward him, and a silly kind
of look came into his face, and he just went down in a heap, and
in one minute every man was flat on the floor. Well, there we
were, alone you might say, with that submarine to get to the
surface! And what we don't know about those boats would fill a
dictionary.
"Beany said, 'Get her up if you can, Pork,' and he jumped for
some rope, and commenced to tie everybody up. We didn't know how
long that Anesthetique stuff was apt to work, and we didn't feel
like taking any chances.
"So Beany made a good job of it, and I monkeyed with the steering
gear the way they had told me, and the way I had seen, and up she
came. Beany was just finishing, but I hurried up on deck, and,
say, I thought you were going to do for me, anyhow!"
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