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Page 68
"I don't exactly--"
"Oh, excuse me. I forgot again. I thought I heard some talk of its
having been made a Republic again."
"Now, Mr. Cleveland," I said, "you answer some of my questions."
A curious film came over the President's eyes. He sat stiffly in his
chair like an automaton.
"Proceed," he said.
"What do you think of the political future of this country?"
"I will state that political exigencies demand emergentistical
promptitude, and while the United States is indissoluble in conception
and invisible in intent, treason and internecine disagreement have
ruptured the consanguinity of patriotism, and--"
"One moment, Mr. President," I interrupted; "would you mind changing
that cylinder? I could have gotten all that from the American Press
Association if I had wanted plate matter. Do you wear flannels? What is
your favorite poet, brand of catsup, bird, flower, and what are you
going to do when you are out of a job?"
"Young man," said Mr. Cleveland, sternly, "you are going a little too
far. My private affairs do not concern the public."
I begged his pardon, and he recovered his good humor in a moment.
"You Texans have a great representative in Senator Mills," he said. "I
think the greatest two speeches I ever heard were his address before the
Senate advocating the removal of the tariff on salt and increasing it on
chloride of sodium."
"Tom Ochiltree is also from our State," I said.
"Oh, no, he isn't. You must be mistaken," replied Mr. Cleveland, "for he
says he is. I really must go down to Texas some time, and see the State.
I want to go up into the Panhandle and see if it is really shaped like
it is on the map."
"Well, I must be going," said I.
"When you get back to Texas," said the President, rising, "you must
write to me. Your visit has awakened in me quite an interest in your
State which I fear I have not given the attention it deserves. There are
many historical and otherwise interesting places that you have revived
in my recollection--the Alamo, where Davy Jones fell; Goliad, Sam
Houston's surrender to Montezuma, the petrified boom found near Austin,
five-cent cotton and the Siamese Democratic platform born in Dallas. I
should so much like to see the gals in Galveston, and go to the wake in
Waco. I am glad I met you. Turn to the left as you enter the hall and
keep straight on out." I made a low bow to signify that the interview
was at an end, and withdrew immiediately. I had no difficulty in leaving
the building as soon as I was outside.
I hurried downtown in order to obtain refreshments at some place where
viands had been placed upon the free list.
I shall not describe my journey back to Austin. I lost my return ticket
somewhere in the White House, and was forced to return home in a manner
not especially beneficial to my shoes. Everybody was well in Washington
when I left, and all send their love.
AN UNFINISHED CHRISTMAS STORY
[Probably begun several years before his death. Published,
as it here appears, in SHORT STORIES, January, 1911.]
Now, a Christmas story should be one. For a good
many years the ingenious writers have been putting forth
tales for the holiday numbers that employed every
subtle, evasive, indirect and strategic scheme they could
invent to disguise the Christmas flavor. So far has this
new practice been carried that nowadays when you read
a story in a holiday magazine the only way you can tell
it is a Christmas story is to look at the footnote which
reads: ["The incidents in the above story happened on
December 25th.--ED."]
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