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Page 31
CUSINS. Well, I can only say that if you think you will get her
away from the Salvation Army by talking to her as you have been
talking to me, you don't know Barbara.
UNDERSHAFT. My friend: I never ask for what I can buy.
CUSINS [in a white fury] Do I understand you to imply that you
can buy Barbara?
UNDERSHAFT. No; but I can buy the Salvation Army.
CUSINS. Quite impossible.
UNDERSHAFT. You shall see. All religious organizations exist by
selling themselves to the rich.
CUSINS. Not the Army. That is the Church of the poor.
UNDERSHAFT. All the more reason for buying it.
CUSINS. I don't think you quite know what the Army does for the
poor.
UNDERSHAFT. Oh yes I do. It draws their teeth: that is enough for
me--as a man of business--
CUSINS. Nonsense! It makes them sober--
UNDERSHAFT. I prefer sober workmen. The profits are larger.
CUSINS. --honest--
UNDERSHAFT. Honest workmen are the most economical.
CUSINS. --attached to their homes--
UNDERSHAFT. So much the better: they will put up with anything
sooner than change their shop.
CUSINS. --happy--
UNDERSHAFT. An invaluable safeguard against revolution.
CUSINS. --unselfish--
UNDERSHAFT. Indifferent to their own interests, which suits me
exactly.
CUSINS. --with their thoughts on heavenly things--
UNDERSHAFT [rising] And not on Trade Unionism nor Socialism.
Excellent.
CUSINS [revolted] You really are an infernal old rascal.
UNDERSHAFT [indicating Peter Shirley, who has just came from the
shelter and strolled dejectedly down the yard between them] And
this is an honest man!
SHIRLEY. Yes; and what av I got by it? [he passes on bitterly and
sits on the form, in the corner of the penthouse].
Snobby Price, beaming sanctimoniously, and Jenny Hill, with a
tambourine full of coppers, come from the shelter and go to the
drum, on which Jenny begins to count the money.
UNDERSHAFT [replying to Shirley] Oh, your employers must have got
a good deal by it from first to last. [He sits on the table, with
one foot on the side form. Cusins, overwhelmed, sits down on the
same form nearer the shelter. Barbara comes from the shelter to
the middle of the yard. She is excited and a little overwrought].
BARBARA. We've just had a splendid experience meeting at the
other gate in Cripps's lane. I've hardly ever seen them so much
moved as they were by your confession, Mr Price.
PRICE. I could almost be glad of my past wickedness if I could
believe that it would elp to keep hathers stright.
BARBARA. So it will, Snobby. How much, Jenny?
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