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Page 17
While they were busy with him, others of the frantic folk had built great
platforms of wood, whereon they all stood and spoke at once, both men and
women. And of these some wore red crosses on their garments, which meaneth
'Salvation;' and others wore white crosses, with a little black button of
crape, to signify 'Purity;' and others bits of blue to mean 'Abstinence.'
While some of these pursued Panurge others did beset Pantagruel; asking him
very long questions, whereunto he gave but short answers. Thus they asked:
Have ye Local Option here?--Pan.: What?
May one man drink if his neighbour be not athirst?-- Pan.: Yea!
Have ye Free Education? -- Pan.: What?
Must they that have, pay to school them that have not?-- Pan.: Nay
Have ye free land?--Pan.: What?
Have ye taken the land from the farmer, and given it to the tailor out of work
and the candlemaker masterless? --Pan.: Nay!
Have your women folk votes?--Pan.: Bosh!
Have ye got religion?-- Pan.: How?
Do you go about the streets at night, brawling, blowing a trumpet before you,
and making long prayers?-- Pan.: Nay
Have you manhood suffrage? -- Pan.: Eh?
Is Jack as good as his master? Pan.: Nay!
Have you joined the Arbitration Society? -- Pan.: _Quoy?_?
Will you let another kick you, and will you ask his neighbour if you deserve
the same?-- Pan.: Nay?
Do you cat what you list?-- Pan.: Ay!
Do you drink when you are athirst? Pan.: Ay!
Are you governed by the free expression of the popular will?-- Pan.: How?
Are you servants of priests, pulpits, and penny papers?--Pan.: No!
Now, when they heard these answers of Pantagruel they all fell, some a
weeping, some a praying, some a swearing, some an arbitrating, some a
lecturing, some a caucussing, some a preaching, some a faith-healing, some a
miracle-working, some a hypnotising, some a writing to the daily press; and
while they were thus busy, like folk distraught, 'reforming the island,'
Pantagruel burst out a laughing; whereat they were greatly dismayed; for
laughter killeth the whole race of Coqcigrues, and they may not endure it.
Then Pantagruel and his company stole aboard a barque that Panurge had ready
in the harbour. And having provisioned her well with store of meat and good
drink, they set sail for the kingdom of Entelechy, where, having landed, they
were kindly entreated; and there abide to this day; drinking of the sweet and
eating of the fat, under the protection of that intellectual sphere which hath
in all places its centre and nowhere its circumference.
Such was their destiny; there was their end appointed, and thither the
Coqcigrues can never come. For all the air of that land is full of laughter,
which killeth Coqcigrues; and there aboundeth the herb Pantagruelion. But for
thee, Master Francoys, thou art not well liked in this island of ours, where
the Coqcigrues are abundant, very fierce, cruel, and tyrannical. Yet thou hast
thy friends, that meet and drink to thee and wish thee well wheresoever thou
hast found thy _grand peut-e'tre_.
VIII.
To Jane Austen.
Madame,--If to the enjoyments of your present state be lacking a view of the
minor infirmities or foibles of men, I cannot but think (were the thought
permitted) that your pleasures are yet incomplete. Moreover, it is certain
that a woman of parts who has once meddled with literature will never wholly
lose her love for the discussion of that delicious topic, nor cease to relish
what (in the cant of our new age) is styled 'literary shop.' For these reasons
I attempt to convey to you some inkling of the present state of that agreeable
art which you, madam, raised to its highest pitch of perfection.
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