Something New by P. G. Wodehouse


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Page 9

"You miss the point. We are not only fellow serfs--we are fellow
exiles. You can't round the thing off by telling me you were born
in Hayling, Massachusetts, I suppose?"

"I was born in New York."

"Surely not! I didn't know anybody was."

"Why Hayling, Massachusetts?"

"That was where I was born."

"I'm afraid I never heard of it."

"Strange. I know your home town quite well. But I have not yet
made my birthplace famous; in fact, I doubt whether I ever shall.
I am beginning to realize that I am one of the failures."

"How old are you?"

"Twenty-six."

"You are only twenty-six and you call yourself a failure? I think
that is a shameful thing to say."

"What would you call a man of twenty-six whose only means of
making a living was the writing of Gridley Quayle stories--an
empire builder?"

"How do you know it's your only means of making a living? Why
don't you try something new?"

"Such as?"

"How should I know? Anything that comes along. Good gracious, Mr.
Marson; here you are in the biggest city in the world, with
chances for adventure simply shrieking to you on every side."

"I must be deaf. The only thing I have heard shrieking to me on
every side has been Mrs. Bell--for the week's rent."

"Read the papers. Read the advertisement columns. I'm sure you
will find something sooner or later. Don't get into a groove. Be
an adventurer. Snatch at the next chance, whatever it is."

Ashe nodded.

"Continue," he said. "Proceed. You are stimulating me."

"But why should you want a girl like me to stimulate you? Surely
London is enough to do it without my help? You can always find
something new, surely? Listen, Mr. Marson. I was thrown on my own
resources about five years ago--never mind how. Since then I have
worked in a shop, done typewriting, been on the stage, had a
position as governess, been a lady's maid--"

"A what! A lady's maid?"

"Why not? It was all experience; and I can assure you I would
much rather be a lady's maid than a governess."

"I think I know what you mean. I was a private tutor once. I
suppose a governess is the female equivalent. I have often
wondered what General Sherman would have said about private
tutoring if he expressed himself so breezily about mere war. Was
it fun being a lady's maid?"

"It was pretty good fun; and it gave me an opportunity of
studying the aristocracy in its native haunts, which has made me
the Gossip's established authority on dukes and earls."

Ashe drew a deep breath--not a scientific deep breath, but one of
admiration.

"You are perfectly splendid!"

"Splendid?"

"I mean, you have such pluck."

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Books | Photos | Paul Mutton | Mon 28th Apr 2025, 19:45