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Page 8
"Well," said Mistress Ulrica, straightening herself up in her seat with
the utmost dignity, "upon my honor, Mr. H----, you are a _very_
agreeable companion."
"I am obliged to be careful while driving."
"Is it necessary that you should sit there as dumb as a fence post?"
No reply.
"Well, I must say that your sulkiness is not to be envied. Suppose some
one should see us--I mean you--why they would readily believe that your
wife was an old woman."
"Now, now, my dear Ulrique Eugenie, don't--"
"Your dear Ulrique Eugenie is not yet thirty eight years old, and even
though you are two years younger, I do not think that should make any
difference."
"On the contrary, on the contrary," grumbled her husband, chuckling
inwardly.
"I do not know but what your words have a double meaning; but Fabian,
_we_ must not quarrel, let us become reconciled, there is my hand."
"Your heart ever overflows with the milk of human kindness, my dear,"
said he.
"Thank you, my dear husband,--but can you imagine what I really intended
to say?"
"Indeed I cannot."
"I intended to say, should you ever cast your eyes upon another--"
"God forbid!"
"You may well say God forbid, am I not your wife, who will not allow her
rights to be trodden under foot?"
"Am I not aware of that?"
"Even if you are, my dear, there is no harm in my saying that if I
should discover the slightest cause which would arouse my suspicion I
would scratch out your eyes!"
"Sweet _Ulgenie_!"
_Ulgenie_, a word which the reader will observe, is compounded from the
words Ulrica and Eugenie, was one of those contorted terms of
endearment, which Mrs. H---- permitted her husband to use during their
moments of tenderness. Should he wish to address her in an extremely
affectionate manner, he would term her his "pet Ulte," an expression
which had also originated in the fertile mind of the loving wife!
On this occasion the husband considered the first expression
sufficiently affectionate, and in all probability many tender
recollections were associated with those three syllables, for no sooner
had he uttered the name "Ulgenie," than she cast her eyes downward with
an unusual gentle expression, and in a changed tone of voice, she
whispered:--
"Never again my dearest husband shall we differ in our opinions.
Equality in marriage renders it a useful institution; but to change the
subject, it is long since you have made any hunting excursions, dear
Fabian, to-morrow you must go."
As Mistress Ulrica was determined that her husband should become a
skillful sportsman, she gave him rest neither night nor day, unless he
devoted at least two days of the week to hunting or fishing excursions.
Not that Mr. H---- was a sportsman; but that it afforded his wife great
pleasure to inform her guests, that a certain moorcock was killed by her
dear Fabian, or that he had caught the pike which then graced their
table, for, she would add complacently, her Fabian was well aware that
she took great delight in eating the game taken by his skillful hand.
Therefore there were no means of escape for him, he must by force become
a sportsman, for a wife who is laboring for the emancipation of
womankind, never will permit her desires to remain ungratified. During
the conversation the vehicle approached the mansion. Mr. Fabian H----,
during the entire ride, had thought upon the pipe and sofa which awaited
him upon his return, for he smoked like a Turk, and loved the ease of
oriental life. There was one pursuit, however, which afforded him still
greater pleasure, and that was to ogle other men's wives, for he was an
unfortunate son of Adam, never being able to discover beauties which his
wife might have possessed.
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