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Page 14
"I overlapped twice to-day myself," I said, "and as the second one was
knitting a jumper--"
"And then there are the Tram-ites," he went on. "I don't understand their
world either. The tram, I am told, suddenly plunges with a loud roar like a
walrus under the streets of Holborn and emerges on the Embankment. The
hansom cabs were called the gondolas of London. The trams, I suppose, are
the submarines. But they are not of my life. I do not mingle with them."
"I mingled with a tram once," I said. "I clasped it warmly by the rail as
it was going by, but I missed the step with my foot. It spurned me rather
badly. But kindly explain what you're driving at."
"All these classes," said Charles, "have their own friendships, their own
jolts and jars, their own way of being bullied by conductors and thrown
into the mud and squeezed into cages and arranged upon straps. But they
have one great thing in common, distinct though they may be. They are all
passengers, all takers of tickets. There is going to be a Bus Union, a Tube
Union, and a Tram Union, and when necessary they will combine."
"Against what?"
"Against the motorists, first and foremost," said Charles. "The opulent
people who ride a-wallop to their offices in cars. Suppose that Ethelinda
Bellairs, who is a trifle absent-minded, has got the sack for typing a
letter like this: 'I beg to acknowledge the receipt of your communication
of the 25th ult., and ask you to note that a sudden sense of indefinable
yearning seized Hephzibah. She closed her eyes and slowly swayed towards
him. Awaiting the favour of an early reply, etc.'--what happens? There is
an immediate strike of the Bus Union until she is reinstated. If necessary
the two other branches of the Amalgamated Society of Passengers are called
out. No case of hardship will be too insignificant for the A.S.P. We shall
all carry a symbol in the shape of a secret season ticket. When the strike
occurs nobody will go to work in the morning. All the stations and
starting-places will be picketed; business will be paralysed."
"Except for the stout fellows who walk," I suggested.
"They will find it very lonely at their offices," said Charles. "Nobody
wants to work if there's any excuse to avoid it, and the beauty of the
thing is that we can strike not only against ordinary employers, but
against the raising of fares, and against the N.U.R. or the Vehicle and
Transport Workers Union itself. That will be the quickest strike that has
ever been struck. You can't go on banging lifts and gates and rushing about
in empty buses without anybody to shove into the dirt or any thumbs to snip
bits out of. It takes all the enjoyment out of life."
"And where exactly do you come in?" I asked.
"I intend to be the Organising Secretary of the A.S.P.," he said. "It will
be hard work, but very meritorious."
"Rather a nuisance won't it be on strike days," I inquired, "going round
and visiting a few thousand pickets on foot in your black coat, with the
brain waves working on top?"
"The O.S. of the A.S.P.," answered Charles magnificently, "will not move
about on foot. He will be provided with a handsome motor-car."
EVOE.
* * * * *
[Illustration: _Constable._ "NOW THEN, WHAT ARE YOU DOIN' UP HERE?"
_Burglar._ "WOTCHER S'POSE I'M DOIN'? FEEDIN' THE PUSSY-CATS?"]
* * * * *
"A van containing �3,000 worth of woollen goods has been stolen from
Broad-street, Bloomsbury. It was left unattended by the driver, who
went into a restaurant for dinner and later was found empty at
Holloway."--_Provincial Paper._
We know that kind of restaurant.
* * * * *
"ACCOUNTING FOR WOMEN."--_American Paper._
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