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Page 5
In these pursuits she learned the luxury of doing good; and the sweet
tears of benevolence frequently moistened her eyes, and gave them a
sparkle which, exclusive of that, they had not; on the contrary, they
were rather fixed, and would never have been observed if her soul had
not animated them. They were not at all like those brilliant ones which
look like polished diamonds, and dart from every superfice, giving more
light to the beholders than they receive themselves.
Her benevolence, indeed, knew no bounds; the distress of others carried
her out of herself; and she rested not till she had relieved or
comforted them. The warmth of her compassion often made her so diligent,
that many things occurred to her, which might have escaped a less
interested observer.
In like manner, she entered with such spirit into whatever she read,
and the emotions thereby raised were so strong, that it soon became a
part of her mind.
Enthusiastic sentiments of devotion at this period actuated her; her
Creator was almost apparent to her senses in his works; but they were
mostly the grand or solemn features of Nature which she delighted to
contemplate. She would stand and behold the waves rolling, and think of
the voice that could still the tumultuous deep.
These propensities gave the colour to her mind, before the passions
began to exercise their tyrannic sway, and particularly pointed out
those which the soil would have a tendency to nurse.
Years after, when wandering through the same scenes, her imagination has
strayed back, to trace the first placid sentiments they inspired, and
she would earnestly desire to regain the same peaceful tranquillity.
Many nights she sat up, if I may be allowed the expression, _conversing_
with the Author of Nature, making verses, and singing hymns of her own
composing. She considered also, and tried to discern what end her
various faculties were destined to pursue; and had a glimpse of a truth,
which afterwards more fully unfolded itself.
She thought that only an infinite being could fill the human soul, and
that when other objects were followed as a means of happiness, the
delusion led to misery, the consequence of disappointment. Under the
influence of ardent affections, how often has she forgot this
conviction, and as often returned to it again, when it struck her with
redoubled force. Often did she taste unmixed delight; her joys, her
ecstacies arose from genius.
She was now fifteen, and she wished to receive the holy sacrament; and
perusing the scriptures, and discussing some points of doctrine which
puzzled her, she would sit up half the night, her favourite time for
employing her mind; she too plainly perceived that she saw through a
glass darkly; and that the bounds set to stop our intellectual
researches, is one of the trials of a probationary state.
But her affections were roused by the display of divine mercy; and she
eagerly desired to commemorate the dying love of her great benefactor.
The night before the important day, when she was to take on herself her
baptismal vow, she could not go to bed; the sun broke in on her
meditations, and found her not exhausted by her watching.
The orient pearls were strewed around--she hailed the morn, and sung
with wild delight, Glory to God on high, good will towards men. She was
indeed so much affected when she joined in the prayer for her eternal
preservation, that she could hardly conceal her violent emotions; and
the recollection never failed to wake her dormant piety when earthly
passions made it grow languid.
These various movements of her mind were not commented on, nor were the
luxuriant shoots restrained by culture. The servants and the poor adored
her.
In order to be enabled to gratify herself in the highest degree, she
practiced the most rigid oeconomy, and had such power over her
appetites and whims, that without any great effort she conquered them
so entirely, that when her understanding or affections had an object,
she almost forgot she had a body which required nourishment.
This habit of thinking, this kind of absorption, gave strength to the
passions.
We will now enter on the more active field of life.
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