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Page 55
I agreed, but added:
"Yes, fundamentally one must remain neutral, but in relation to present
circumstances one cannot remain neutral. It is our business to arraign
England, our own country, and not Germany. It is for every nation to
discover its own faults. There are many Germans of courage and honesty
who will condemn their country for the crimes she has committed. But
condemnation from outside is useless and is always discredited. In all
probability the Allies and the Central Powers are both equally bad, and
to denounce the enemy only is mere yelping with the rest of the savage,
vindictive pack."
"That is true, but what is the good of saying it, or thinking it!
Ignorance, prejudice, and intellectual dishonesty are far stronger than
you are. The depravity of mankind is such that only failure and
humiliation will carry conviction. Mere words are only wasted. If any
nation is completely defeated in this war, then its people will rise
against its rulers, whether they are guilty or not, and they will fix
all the responsibility of war upon them and upon themselves. There will
be a frenzy of self-accusation--whether just or unjust it doesn't
matter--and as for the victors, they will say: 'Our enemies admit their
guilt, so what further proof is needed?' Where the _real_ guilt is, that
is an irrelevant and trivial question. Success or failure will be the
sole ultimate criterion. There is only one hope for the world--that
failure will be so evenly distributed that there will be anxious
heart-searchings in every country. Failure alone makes ignorant people
think. Success is taken for granted. Even after a single battle lost,
the Press is full of explanations and excuses, but after a battle won,
there is only complacency and self-glorification, and questions as to
the why and wherefore are considered out of place or even treasonable."
When we parted I was seized with a feeling of intense loneliness, but
nevertheless I realized with satisfaction that I was not entirely alone.
I also gave up the idea of enjoying my leave and conceived a deep
aversion for all pleasures and amusements.
The next day I wandered into the British Museum. The 600,000 volumes
that surrounded me on the shelves of the reading-room had a depressing
effect. I took out a few books, but was too distracted for serious
study.
I almost smiled with self-contempt when I thought how I had set out the
previous morning in order to conquer my old world, and how it was now
receding further and further from me. I looked at the other readers.
They were mostly old men, engrossed in their studies, just as they had
been in peace time. I wondered what they thought about the war. I knew
they would not allow it to disturb them much or interfere with their
studies and their sleep. And after all, why should they care? It was
only youth that was being slaughtered on the battlefields and not old
age.
The sleepy dullness of the museum became unbearable and I walked out
into the street.
I spent the evening with a member of the National Liberal Club, an
intimate family friend, whose intellectual arrogance was one of the evil
memories of my childhood, when many eager impulses and aspirations had
been turned to bitterness by his lofty depreciation and his
imperturbable assumption of superiority based on maturer years and
experience. Having at different times received material kindnesses at
his hands, I knew I could not tell him what I really thought, and the
prospect of meeting him filled me with uneasiness. Moreover, in his
presence I felt a kind of pride which I did not usually feel in the
presence of others--a pride that forbade me to express any sentiment or
to reveal my inner mind. And yet my inner mind was clamouring
intolerably for revelation. I realized the advantage he would derive
from his simple attitude and from his lack of mental integrity, which
enabled him to ignore any considerations that did not conform to his
preconceived notions, and I realized the disadvantage of my complex
attitude, made up as it was of so many conflicting impulses, at war with
each other and with the world around me.
My fears were justified.
At first the conversation was commonplace, and I related various
experiences in a desultory fashion. Those that were mildly amusing were
most appreciated. But gradually we drifted towards more vital issues and
then the long and futile argument began. The weapons of sarcasm and
denunciation were denied to me by the laws of politeness and etiquette.
I beat in vain against the solid walls of obstinate prejudice and
superficiality. His statements were uttered with dogmatic emphasis. They
expressed beliefs held with all the self-assurance born of ignorance.
They were based on no independent reasoning or observation, but had been
assimilated either directly from the daily Press or from a circle of
acquaintances whose entire political outlook was the creation of the
Press. It was only then that I realized the immense power of newspapers.
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