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Page 14
New, maybe, but too well
I know its influence fell;
The "new subtraction" (which _I_ suffer under)
From what I earn or save
By toiling like a slave
Is just a euphemistic name for plunder.
* * * * *
"At Richmond a discharged soldier was charged with stealing a pillow,
valued at 7/6, the property of the Government.... The prisoner, who had
a clean sheet, was fined 40/-."--_Local Paper._
We can understand his wanting a fresh pillow to go with his clean sheet.
* * * * *
[Illustration: _Golf Enthusiast_ (_urging the merits of the game_). "--AND,
BESIDES, IT'S SO GOOD FOR YOU."
_Unbeliever._ "SO IS COD-LIVER OIL."]
* * * * *
GOLDEN GEESE.
The London University Correspondent of _The Observer_ has been deploring
the fact that a number of professors and lecturers have lately resigned
their poorly-paid academic positions in order to take up commercial and
industrial posts at much higher salaries. Among the instances he cites is
that of a Professor of Chemistry at King's College, who has been appointed
Director of Research to the British Cotton Industry Research Association.
The movement, which the writer denounces as bearing "too obvious an analogy
to the killing of the golden goose," is not however confined to London
University. From the great seats of learning all over the country the same
complaint is heard. We learn, for instance, that Mr. Angus McToddie, until
recently Professor of Physics at the John Walker University, N.B., has
vacated that post on his appointment as Experimental Adviser to the British
Constitutional Whisky Manufacturers' Association.
Past and present _alumni_ of Tonypandy will learn with regret that the
University is to lose the services of its Professor of Live Languages, Mr.
O. Evans, who is about to assume the responsible and highly-remunerated
position of Director of Research to the Billingsgate Fishporters' Self-Help
Society.
The Egregius Professor of Ancient History at Giggleswick University will
shortly take up his duties as Editor of _Chestnuts_, the new comic weekly.
Professor Ernest Grubb, who for many years has adorned the Chair of
Entomology at Durdleham, is about to enter the dramatic sphere as
stage-manager to a well-known troupe of performing insects.
Another recruit to Stage enterprise is Professor Seymour Legge, who has
been appointed Chief Investigator to the Beauty Chorus Providers'
Corporation. Mr. Legge was formerly Professor of Comparative Anatomy at
Ballycorp.
* * * * *
SATURDAYS.
Now has the soljer handed in his pack,
And "Peace on earth, goodwill to all" been sung;
I've got a pension and my ole job back--
Me, with my right leg gawn and half a lung;
But, Lord! I'd give my bit o' buckshee pay
And my gratuity in honest Brads
To go down to the field nex' Saturday
And have a game o' football with the lads.
It's Saturdays as does it. In the week
It's not too bad; there's cinemas and things;
But I gets up against it, so to speak,
When half-day-off comes round again and brings
The smell o' mud an' grass an' sweating men
Back to my mind--there's no denying it;
There ain't much comfort tellin' myself then,
"Thank Gawd, I went _toot sweet_ an' did my bit!"
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