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Page 4
The Ballybun express carries no goods whatever, except with the connivance
of the guard and driver, who are both very decent Ballybun boys, and will
bring anything down from Dublin for anyone. They promised to carry the
statue themselves from the railway station up to McAroon's house. If the
express was less than three hours late, which it was sure to be if it was
running smoothly, they could just beam-end the statue on its pedestal and
the presiding elder could unveil it with a hammer.
The train was not too late, just punctually late, and the guard had time to
hurry the statue along through the biggest crowd we have had for years in
Ballybun.
The Minister said that he would not open the case with prayer, because it
might give offence to friends of other Christian denominations; he would
just knock the front off and let this matchless piece of statuary from the
blue skies of Italy dazzle them with its beauty. It needed no words from
him, but he would just like to remind any of his flock present that the
collection next Sunday was for the heathen both at home and abroad.
The statue then flashed out on us and left us breathless.
It was the most scandalous thing ever seen in Ballybun; it was Venus rising
from the sea without a stitch. There she stood with one hand raised toward
the sky and the other pointing at the backs of all the pious people in
Ballybun as they hurried indignantly home. Some of them blamed McAroon,
while others said that Murphy knew all the time what a Tombola really was
and that he ought to be ashamed of himself.
The Bishop ordered his people not to deal at McAroon's until Murphy had
removed the scandalous object. So many bitter things were said that
McAroon, who is obstinate when roused, vowed that as long as the sun shone
in heaven the lady should add lustre to his back-yard. The Minister however
tried to move him to a more prayerful spirit.
McAroon said it wouldn't be right to smash up for firewood a marble statue
that had cost five hundred pounds if a penny. The clergyman said that if
everybody stopped away from his store he would lose more than that in a
year, and that in any case, if McAroon suffered, he would suffer in the
holy cause of charity.
McAroon's piety was touched, and he said that in the interests of peace and
holy charity he would agree on a compromise. He had forsooth to keep his
vow and let the lady stop, but she had two outstretched arms and there was
always abundance of family washing on hand in the daytime at all events.
The clergy of all denominations agreed that his decision was in keeping
with the best traditions of a Family Grocer.
Murphy and McAroon made it up publicly. Murphy asked how anyone in Ballybun
could possibly know the Italian bathing regulations. Italy was a godless
country; but "anyway," said he, "hear you me. I have suffered so much in
mind from this that I have done with charity for ever."
Christian peace and friendship reign once more in Ballybun; but any visitor
who desires to see the beauties of Spagnoletti's famous masterpiece (what
McAroon calls his "Anna Dryomeny") without the washing to serve as a veil
must come by night and bring his own matches.
* * * * *
[Illustration: A MINISTERIAL ATTITUDE.
_Wife_ (_to amateur politician_). "NAH THEN--WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? IN
THE 'OUSE O' COMMONS?"]
* * * * *
SO LONG.
All coiled down, and it's time for us to go,
Every sail's furled in a smart harbour stow,
Another ship for us an' for her another crew;
An' so long, sailorman. Good luck to you!
Fun an' friends I wish you till the pay's all gone,
Pleasure while you spend it an' content when it's done,
An' a chest that's not empty when you go back to sea,
An' a better ship than she's been an' a truer pal than me.
A good berth I wish you in a ship that's well-found,
With a decent crowd forrard an' her gear all sound,
Spars a man can trust to when it comes on to blow,
An' no bo'sun bawlin' when it's your watch below.
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