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Page 2
According to the Technical Secretary of the Civil Aviation Committee a
vehicle has been designed which is equally at home in the air, on land, on
the water and under it. It is said to be distinguishable from Mr. WINSTON
CHURCHILL only by the latter's eloquence.
* * *
We understand that certain members of the betting classes have demanded
that the starting price for coal should be published each day in the early
evening papers.
* * * * *
[Illustration: SCENE.--_Miles from anywhere._
_Tammas._ "COULD YE OBLIGE ME WI' A MATCH, SIR?"
_Stranger._ "I'M AFRAID I'VE ONLY GOT ONE."
_Tammas._ "AY--SHE'LL DO."]
* * * * *
A TRIUMPH OF REALISM.
From a publisher's advertisement:--
"'FALLING WATERS.' 'Not a dry page in it.'"
* * * * *
THE NEW POLYGAMY.
"The bride... carried a handsome bouquet of harem lilies."--_Local
Paper_.
* * * * *
THE BENEFITS OF PEACE
(_as they appear to be viewed by certain unofficial guardians of public
morality_).
When Peace superseded the strife and the stress
Which the public regard as a gift for the Press,
It was feared in the quiet that followed the storm,
With nothing to do but retrench and reform,
That the Town would be painted a colourless tint
And the printers have nothing exciting to print.
That fear was unfounded, I'm happy to say,
And red is the dominant tone of to-day;
So far from incurring a shortage of news
While the place is made fit for our heroes to use,
We cannot remember a rosier time;
We have rarely enjoyed such an orgy of crime.
There are scandals as nice for the reader to nose
As any old garbage of carrion crows;
Our mystery-mongers are full of resource;
There's a bigamy boom and a vogue of divorce;
To the licence of flappers we freely allude,
And we do what we can with the cult of the nude.
No, the War isn't missed; there's a murrain of strikes
Where a paper can take any side that it likes;
We are done with denouncing the filth of the Bosch,
But we still have our own dirty linen to wash;
Though we trade with the brute as a man and a brother,
Our Warriors still can abuse one another.
And if spicier features incline to be slack
There is always the Chief of the State to attack;
We have standing instructions to cake him with mud
And a couple of columns reserved for his blood.
Oh, yes, there is Peace, but our property thrives--
We are having, I tell you, the time of our lives.
O.S.
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