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Page 14
* * * * *
[Illustration: "MY DEAR, YOU ARE NOT DANCING."
"NO--MOST PROVOKING. I MISLAID MY PARTNER AT PADDINGTON, AND HE HASN'T THE
FAINTEST IDEA WHERE THE DANCE IS."]
* * * * *
THE PASSING OF THE LITTER.
It happened only a couple of weeks ago, but the horrible memory comes back
to me as if it only happened yesterday. It was my own fault, because with a
telephone loose about the place one ought not to encourage other pets.
"Well," I said to Sibyl, "there we are, and we must make the best of them."
Sibyl sniffed as she usually does when these periodical occurences happen
in our house.
"Which of them are you going to keep?" she asked, "and is it really
necessary to keep any of them?"
"Well," I said; "but----"
"What I mean to say," said Sibyl, "better do away with them when they are
quite young. It would be far more humane."
"I am with you up to a point," I said; "I admit they are not a very
prepossessing lot."
"How they came to be born at all is what I cannot understand," said Sibyl,
who is always like that when trying to be serious.
"Well," I said, "I have decided to keep one of them--No. 1."
"But surely," said Sibyl, "that the most delicate one of the lot."
That, I well knew, was quite true. Whether I should ever rear No. 1 was a
matter for time to prove. It was so delicate that once or twice already it
had been on the verge of collapse, but I had rallied it each time.
"As for the others," I said, "we shall have to get rid of them."
I need not go into painful details, but the thing was easily done. That
very evening, unfortunately, through an oversight, No. 1 perished also.
For this I blame McWhirter.
"The number of my bus is 21," he said in the theatre buffet that night; "by
the way what's yours?"
"Whisky," I said absent-mindedly, "and not much soda."
And it was only after I had drunk it that I realised my error. It was then
too late.
And that is how New Year Resolution No. 1--the most delicate of the
litter--passed away at the early age of one week.
* * * * *
OUR PLUTOCRATIC SPORTSMEN AGAIN.
"Wanted, set of gold clubs, with bag, for lady."--_Local Paper_.
* * * * *
LIFE.
A MODERN NOVEL--SPASMODIC SCHOOL.
I.
Her parents were hygienic, so they never let a germ intrude
Within the cells and tissues of the girl they christened Ermyntrude;
They bathed her body every hour and all internal harm allayed
By pouring Condy's Fluid on her butter and her marmalade;
And when they dressed her took good care to tuck her chest-protector in--
Result, she grew up strong and fair as any peach or nectarine.
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