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Page 12
_Empress._ Oh, certainly, dear. (_Gives up volume._) And now, darling,
I am going to ask you a favour. You never saw such a pet of a
coronet as they have at Von ----'s. Now I want you to buy it for me
particularly.
_Emperor_ (_embarrassed_). Certainly, dear--but you know, we are not
too well off.
_Empress._ Oh, but it is simply charming. Rubies round the edge, and
a cross of brilliants and emeralds. And, really, _so_ cheap. They only
want £100,000 for it!
_Emperor._ Very nice indeed; but just at this moment it would be a
little inconvenient to produce so large a sum.
_Empress._ Large sum! Why, the rubies alone are worth all the money.
_Emperor._ Yes, I know, dear. And now I must hurry away; duty, my
love, comes before pleasure. See you soon.
[_Exit hurriedly, to attend a review. In the meanwhile,
Coronet remains in the jeweller's shop-window. Curtain_.
* * * * *
[Illustration: THE FESTIVE SEASON. A SCOTCH NIGHT.]
* * * * *
AN EVENING FROM HOME.
There used to appear daily--and it may be appearing daily now, for
aught I know, only, speaking on oath, I haven't lately noticed it--a
question addressed by Everybody in General, or by Nobody in Particular
to Everybody Else, which took this form: "Where shall we dine to-day?"
I forget what the answer was, but, as a rule, the domesticated man,
with a good cook in his own kitchen, could answer it offhand by
saying to himself, "'_Where_ shall we dine to-day?' Why, at home, of
course--where better?--and catch me moving out afterwards." But, if he
were contemplating the unpleasant certainty of having post-prandially
to leave his hearth and home in order to visit some theatre, opera, or
concert, then it might occur to him that he could do the thing well,
and give his party a novel treat, if, in French fashion, he took them
somewhere to dine, previous to doing their play. Thus it occurred to
Yours truly, Y TI-BULLUS BIBULUS, a day or two ago, when, dressed in
his classical evening Togaryii in a _Currus Pulcher_ (with a _Cursor_
alongside anticipating _denarii_, and risking the sharp rebuke of a
probable _Cursor_ inside the vehicle) he was passing the Oxford Music
Hall, and a brightly decorated Restauration caught his observant eye.
Was it new, or was it a Restauration restored? Its name, in large
letters, "FRASCATI." This seemed at once to lend itself to a familiar
jingle, and I found myself humming,--
Oh, did you never hear of Frascati?
'Tis not far from Rome, eh my hearty?
The place looks so fine,
I will there go and dine,
And I'll bring with me all of my party!
[Illustration: "Our Hamp-phitryon."]
Horatian inspiration! I like to find out a new dining-place. Years
ago, by the merest accident sailing north, I discovered the Holborn,
and, since then, how many have not blessed the Columbus Holbornius?
I do not ask how many _have_ done so. "That is another story." Since
then, the taste for dining domestically away from home has come
considerably into fashion. The Ladies like it, and the Law allows it.
(Quotation from _Merchant of Venice_ adapted to occasion--Restaurant
edition--_Portia_ for two.) It is a cheerful change, it assists the
circulation of coin, it is an aid to the solution of the problems of
Bimetallism, it rejuvenesces the home-fire-sider, it developes ideas,
restores the balance of temper; and, if only the dinner be good,
everybody goes away delighted,--guests are satisfied, the host is
pleased, the waiter smiles on the tipper, the tipper on the manager,
the manager on the proprietor, and all is Joy and Junketing! Judge my
surprise, when to me, TIBULLUS, entering Frascati, and as _Cicerone_,
informing my friends (all eager and hungry, and therefore unwilling
to dispute) how Frascati was the ancient Tusculum, a well-known face
appears welcoming us with smiles. It is Signor HAMPI, better known as
Mr. HAMP of Holborn. "Salve!" quoth I, as TIBULLUS. "The same to you,
Sir," responds HAMPIUS. "Now," said my friend WAGSTAFFIUS, without
whom no party is complete, "Now we shall be Hamp-ly satisfied."
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