Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 103, December 3, 1892 by Various


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The Project Gutenberg EBook of Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 103,
December 3, 1892, by Various

This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or
re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.net


Title: Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 103, December 3, 1892

Author: Various

Editor: Francis Burnand

Release Date: July 11, 2005 [EBook #16263]

Language: English

Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1

*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCH, OR THE LONDON ***




Produced by Malcolm Farmer, William Flis, and the Online
Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net





PUNCH,

OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

VOL. 103.



December 3, 1892.




THE MAN WHO WOULD.

III.--THE MAN WHO WOULD GET ON.

"I dreamed," said the Scotch Professor, "that I was struggling for
dear life with a monstrous reptile, whose scaly coils wound about my
body, while the extremity of his own was lost in the distance. At last
I managed to shake myself free, and setting my foot on his neck, I
was preparing to cut his throat, when the animal looked up at me with
an appealing expression, and said, 'At least you might give me a
testimonial!'"

This professional nightmare (for the labours of a Scotch instructor
consist, to a great extent, in writing testimonials, or in evading
requests for them), suggested to one of his audience the history of
SAUNDERS MCGREGOR, the Man who would Get on. In boyhood, SAUNDERS
obtained an exhibition, or bursary, to the University of St. Mungo's.
This success implied no high degree of scholarship, for the benefice
was only open to persons of the surname of MCGREGOR, and the
Christian-name of SAUNDERS. The provident parents of our hero, having
accidentally become aware of this circumstance, had their offspring
christened SAUNDERS, and thus secured, from the very first, an opening
for the young man.

[Illustration]

At St. Mungo's, SAUNDERS was mainly notable for a generous view of
life, which enabled him to look on the goods of others as practically
common among Christians. A pipe of his own he somehow possessed,
but tobacco and lights he invariably borrowed, also golf-balls,
postage-stamps, railway fares, books, caps, gowns, and similar
trifles; while his nature was so social, that he invariably dropped in
to supper with one or other of his companions. The accident of being
left alone for a few moments in the study of our Examiner, where
SAUNDERS deftly possessed himself of a set of examination-papers,
enabled him to take his degree with an ease and brilliance which very
considerably astonished his instructors. By adroitly using his good
fortune, SAUNDERS accumulated a pile of most egregious testimonials,
and these he regarded as the mainspring of success in life. He had
early discovered in himself a singular capacity for drawing salaries,
and as he had unbounded conceit and unqualified ignorance, he
conceived himself to be fit for any post in life to which a salary is
attached. He had also really great gifts as a _crampon_, or hanger-on,
and neglected no opportunity, while he made many, of securing useful
acquaintances. Thus it was the custom of his college to elect,
at stated periods, a man of eminence as Rector. SAUNDERS at once
constituted himself secretary of a committee, and, without consulting
his associates, wrote invitations to eminent politicians, poets,
painters, actors, editors, clergymen, and other people much in the
public eye. In these effusions he poured forth the innocent enthusiasm
of his heart, expressing an admiration which might seem excessive to
all but its objects. They, with the guilelessness of mature age and
conscious merit, were touched by SAUNDERS'S expressions of esteem,
which they set down to hero-worship, and a fervent study of Mr.
CARLYLE'S works. Only one of the persons addressed, unluckily,
could be elected; but SAUNDERS added their responses to his pile
of testimonials, and frequently gave them good epistolary reason to
remember his existence and his devotion.

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